It had been a thought for quite a while. One that would occasionally wander through my head to be pondered on briefly but not really given much thought. At least not until someone else (a fellow believer, friend, mom and seeker) voiced it. Putting the words out there that had been resonating in my heart, mind, and soul.
"I'm on a journey to figure out who I am outside of mom, wife, ect."
There it was, on the table, my bleeding heart. Or at least I felt like it was laying out there. I respond in agreement to the difficulty and voicing my own need for the same.
Since then self discovery has been on the forefront of my mind. Who am I, really? How do I really enjoy spending my time? What is truly important to me? The list could go in forever.
As I began to scratch the surface, I realized that I don't have an answer for even the most basic questions. The ones that are typically asked in the "getting to know you" challenges. To be fully honest, the reason I struggle answering most of these basic questions is because I've been a chameleon for far too long.
I've been the relaxed, go-with-the-flow, unopinionated type for most of my life. Mainly to get people to like me or to make myself feel as though I belong with certain groups of people.
What ended up happening is that I lost who I am and ho I've been crated to be. The things I actually like, enjoy and want. Whether it be for me, my family or my friends. I have cheapened who I really am in efforts to feel like I belong. Efforts that have failed me time and time again.
Not anymore though. I am committing myself to finding me. Digging deep into my heart and soul to discover everything about myself. From the most simple aspects (favorite things) to the more complex and challenging(short and long term goals).
It starts here and now.
The other night, I found myself praying over all this. I remember asking for a symbol that I could use to remind me of this journey. Something that would remind me of all I have been, all that I currently am and all that I'm meant to be.
As I drift off I hear a word. It comes ever so quietly.
In the stillness of all I am. Gently...
...Dandelion...
It's still on my mind when I wake. So I begin to dig into this word. As I research I'm flooded with memories distant and as recent as last week. Visions of fields of dandelions dancing in the wind. Analogies start whipping around left and right in my mind. I continue to read about them and it starts to root further. This simple word, a simple flower was the direct answer to my prayer.
Then I turned my phone face down on the couch and looked at the case I've seen a hundred times. I find myself dumbfounded as I look at it. It seems as of this concept has been brewing in my heart longer than I realized.
This solidified the answer even more.
Dandelions are what best represents me. Everything I've been, everything I am, everything I hope to become.
I just pray that my seeds scatter as far and as effectively as those on a single dandelion.
