What I'm learning

Anyone who knows our boy, knows he's a super sweet, amazingly smart, tender boy. We also know he has some tendencies that lead to seemingly over emotional reactions, can easily hurt by others words, as well as actions, gets easily embarrassed, especially if he's been corrected and that he has some texture issues.

We began noticing these things when he was very young and instinctively taught him coping mechanisms. For the longest time, I'd referred to it as a sensory thing. Which isn't entirely wrong, and at the time, it was the best description I could come up with for some of his quirks. 

Until I saw this test. Ways to know if you have a highly sensitive child. With each check of a box, I began to understand my boy better. These traits weren't just quirks. Nor were they anything in need of diagnosing, excusing or hiding.

These things we'd learned about him were part of how he's built. They are who he is. These tendencies don't need disciplined, changed or shamed. 

What we've discovered, even before knowing what it was, has been that he needs to hear that it's okay to feel. Being overwhelmed is normal. That everyone experiences it. He needs reassured that feelings aren't all bad. He needs us to give him tools to fully live despite the sensitivities.

He also needs to know how to cope with these things. Each aspect of being a highly sensitive child can effect someone differently. Here's the real kicker, the reactions differ with each situation that's faced. 

The more I read up on highly sensitive children, the more I understand my boy. The more I understand myself (more on this later). The better equipped I am for those inevitable breakdowns, those instances where I may need to intervene and those times when it's okay to just let him feel. 

 As a parent, I'm learning to embrace these things. Rather than letting some of them annoy or frustrated me, I'm making the conscious decision to join him where he is. When he's overwhelmed and acts out, I no longer instantly correct or discipline.

Instead, I will step back and take in the whole picture. After taking a few seconds to analyze what's really going on, then I will take action. If discipline is needed, it'll be dealt. If it's not, we discuss what just happened and process how to handle it better. On his end, and ours.

What I'm discovering is this, when he's given the appropriate tools and space/permission to use them, our days are much more enjoyable. When we encourage him to communicate freely what he's feeling, the meltdowns become less severe and more scarce. By acknowledging that his needs to process things the way he needs, in his time and celebrating the little victories we are giving him the tools to succeed in life. He'll become an adult who not just deals with his sensitivities, but thrives because of them.

After all, that is our ultimate goal as parents.

To the parents of the sensory sensitive child...

Sensitivities come in many forms. Some are diagnosed, others aren't. Regardless, you know you have to be "on it" at every moment.

It isn't easy, is it? To sit and watch your kid have a melt down. When they have to step away from an activity for a break. To know when they're approaching their limit and intervene...however way is necessary. To leave early, sometimes after just getting somewhere, because it's just too much.

Can I tell you something? It is okay to do this. Will everyone understand? Absolutely not, but that is okay. We have to do what is best for our kids...no matter what.

Even if it means missing out on something that had been anticipated for a long time. Or having to leave when there are people whom aren't seen often. Leaving to help your child, or even yourself, avoid any type of exhaustion, melt down or the like is absolutely understandable.

Anyone who tries to guilt or shame for you doing what you know is best for said child...well that's on them.

To the parents who have these children, I want to encourage you today. Embrace their sensitivities. Look for the strengths in it, trust me...if you look, you'll find them abundantly.

When a meltdown happens, maybe instead of feeling ashamed, embarrassed or frustrated, we'll lean down and engage that child. Let them know that you see THEM, that you are there WITH them, and together you will get to the other side.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for sensitive children is to allow them to just let it out. In whatever means necessary. To occasionally give them a free pass to just feel whatever is inside, without needing to rationalize or explain.

To the parents in the trenches with a highly sensitive child, I see you. Even when you feel like you're failing at every turn, you can do this and you're doing great. You are exactly what your child needs.

Listen to what your child is telling you. In any way they're saying it.

Hang in there, you're doing great.

Signed,

A fellow parent in the trenches.