What I'm learning

Anyone who knows our boy, knows he's a super sweet, amazingly smart, tender boy. We also know he has some tendencies that lead to seemingly over emotional reactions, can easily hurt by others words, as well as actions, gets easily embarrassed, especially if he's been corrected and that he has some texture issues.

We began noticing these things when he was very young and instinctively taught him coping mechanisms. For the longest time, I'd referred to it as a sensory thing. Which isn't entirely wrong, and at the time, it was the best description I could come up with for some of his quirks. 

Until I saw this test. Ways to know if you have a highly sensitive child. With each check of a box, I began to understand my boy better. These traits weren't just quirks. Nor were they anything in need of diagnosing, excusing or hiding.

These things we'd learned about him were part of how he's built. They are who he is. These tendencies don't need disciplined, changed or shamed. 

What we've discovered, even before knowing what it was, has been that he needs to hear that it's okay to feel. Being overwhelmed is normal. That everyone experiences it. He needs reassured that feelings aren't all bad. He needs us to give him tools to fully live despite the sensitivities.

He also needs to know how to cope with these things. Each aspect of being a highly sensitive child can effect someone differently. Here's the real kicker, the reactions differ with each situation that's faced. 

The more I read up on highly sensitive children, the more I understand my boy. The more I understand myself (more on this later). The better equipped I am for those inevitable breakdowns, those instances where I may need to intervene and those times when it's okay to just let him feel. 

 As a parent, I'm learning to embrace these things. Rather than letting some of them annoy or frustrated me, I'm making the conscious decision to join him where he is. When he's overwhelmed and acts out, I no longer instantly correct or discipline.

Instead, I will step back and take in the whole picture. After taking a few seconds to analyze what's really going on, then I will take action. If discipline is needed, it'll be dealt. If it's not, we discuss what just happened and process how to handle it better. On his end, and ours.

What I'm discovering is this, when he's given the appropriate tools and space/permission to use them, our days are much more enjoyable. When we encourage him to communicate freely what he's feeling, the meltdowns become less severe and more scarce. By acknowledging that his needs to process things the way he needs, in his time and celebrating the little victories we are giving him the tools to succeed in life. He'll become an adult who not just deals with his sensitivities, but thrives because of them.

After all, that is our ultimate goal as parents.