New Year, New me

The past several years I have participated in the One Word challenge. Having a focus for each year has helped in many ways. I started fully participating in it in 2012 with the word limitless. Boy did that year sure live up to it it too. In 2013 the central focus for the year was trust. With motherhood just beginning, trust was going to be essential for that first year. This year's word came to me in the form of a gift from a coworker. The word in 2014 was magnificent.

This year has had it's ups and downs. I can tell you that there were many times when it wasn't feeling so magnificent. However, when I look back at where we were when the year started, I can see that it was indeed magnificent. From career changes, to parenthood, friendships and everything in between, it has most certainly been magnificent.

A few days ago, I was contemplating whether or not I was going to participate in the one word challenge again in 2015. I was leaning toward no. Then, as I'm sitting at home it hits me. In 2015 the one thing I need to focus on is self. With the baby phase behind us, it's time to focus on getting myself healthier. In all areas of life. It's time for me to buckle down more and get serious with my quiet time. I need to quit making excuses to get healthier, there is no better time than now to begin eating better and living a more active life.

I really need to take a close look at how I'm spending my time. I want to become me again. I'm not just a wife, a mom, a friend, ect. There is more to it than just the things I do or the way I spend my time. I want to find my hobbies and passions again. I want to crochet again, to write here more often, to learn to love life all around again. I am going to make an effort this year to do just that.

How about you, friends, what is your word for 2015?

Break it down

This song has been around for a while now. Every time I hear it, one line makes me stop. Before we get to that, let me share the song that brings this post to being.



This really is an amazing song! There is so much truth found throughout this song. There are so many little nuggets, each line could spin a post itself. However, there is one song that strikes my core every single time I hear it. Every. Single. Time.



As I worshiped with my family yesterday, my mind began to mull over the meaning of this phrase. I found myself finding synonyms for each word. In order to better digest what exactly was expressed in this phrase.

While these words are a beautiful, let's boil a couple of these down.

Affliction is a condition/cause of pain, suffering, or distress.

Eclipse means to obscure (to make dim or indistinct) or darken.

Glory is majestic beauty and splendor.

Just breaking down the meaning of those three words has put this phrase into better perspective for me.

I feel that  far too often I just sing the words in a song without really stopping to think about what I'm actually singing and agreeing to. For me,  I want to be more intentional to breaking this sort of thing down. Whether it be songs, quotes or scriptures. Especially scriptures.

Perhaps that's what I'll start to use this space for more. A place to sit down, redefine and explain these sorts of things more.

Thriving Through Change {Day 31}

The best way to sum this series up would be this:

The best way to thrive through change is to rely completely on the one who doesn't change.
For I, the LORD, do not change... (Mal 3:6)

*This post is part of a 31 day series. To find the entire list of posts please go to this post. I cannot wait to share this experience with you.

Thriving Through Change {Day 21}

Music break. Week three. We've discussed all sorts of change. All the ways to turn change into growth is keeping our focus where it needs to be. This song always tends to light a fire in me when I really worship with it. I hope you'll take the time to do that now.



Tell me, friend. Is there anything in particular (song or otherwise) that helps you to refocus when things have seemed to have gone awry?

Thriving through change {Day 17}

Those days when foreseen changes hit. The times we feel like we're prepared for the next step. Only to find out...we aren't.

When the news comes, or the situation shifts, or someone pulls back, we are baffled. Not in the why, but by how unprepared we really are. The changes that we expected just leave us feeling like we'd been punched in the gut.

Have you been there? Me too.

It's in these times that I've seen memorized scriptures do what only they can. They come back to mind, the bandage the wound, and begin to heal. Whether or not it directly correlates to the situation or not, scripture brings with it peace, joy and healing.

Don't have any scripture memorized? That's okay. Because even just reading a verse or two, writing it down on a notecard where you're sure to see it, or listening to scripture based songs are all fantastic ways to get scripture into your heart and mind. I'm pretty sure that once you start reading, you'll realize you really do have scripture memorized, but in quote/saying form that you never knew was truly scripture.

How has scripture helped you through change?

Thriving through Change {Day 16}

Oh man, I have been there with both of these. I have had times where I had no choice but to change because of the amount I learned. I have had more experience with those times when I have had to change simply because the way I was doing things caused more pain than changing would.

Thriving Through Change {Day 14}

Music break 2. Same as last week, I'd love for you to take some time and reflect on these lyrics. This song speaks through the drastic change God's love has on one's life. For some, His love brought them out of horrible situations and literally picked them up and they did a 180. For others, His love protected us from going down the roads that lead to brokenness and destruction.



So my friend, I ask you this. Were you one who was drastically saved from the stoop of Hell? Or were you protected from walking the road that leads to unfulfillment  and devastation? Or somewhere in between?

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving Through Change {Day 13}

Humility in the Bible is not what our world thinks it is now. It is more than a temporary missions trip. It is a consistent, daily, deliberate choice to empty myself. To not only live as a servant--who is often compensated in some way for their work, but as a slave--someone who is own by another. Not only living this way, but doing so willingly. A  slave to God's will, when He comes to us with instructions, we immediately begin to work. Without hesitating. Without questioning. Without complaining.

That was taken straight from my notes taken during our sermon yesterday. One the ways that I have found helps when working through change is to take on this role of humility. To stop thinking thoughts like: "I don't deserve all this." "I've already been through so much." "Why me?" That's a list that could go on and on. All of those thoughts lead me to only seeing the situation in a bad light. When, in reality, any change that comes has a purpose. It's time to stop thinking ourselves better than change.

The mentality of me has never been more prevalent. The good news is this: that with God in our lives, we are free to exit the circle the world says we need to be on. The one centered on self. We can get out of that circle by simply entering an alternative option. The circle that is centered on Christ. Who He is. What He has done. What He wants to use His creation for.

In better words, we should look at any change in life with the attitude that Christ. Anger, bitterness, and denial will get us nowhere. Acceptance, reliance on God, and a good support system are crucial to ensuring that we walk with the correct attitude.

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you’ll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving through Change {Day 12}

The heaviness of change effects all of us differently. While being comfortable is something we all crave, it is not something that will settle for long. Just as soon as we start to feel comfortable is typically when change happens -- or needs to happen.

This is especially true for those of us who are followers of God. We are told that we are not meant to me comfortable. In fact, we are told that we will be put through trials. We will be ridiculed. We will be beaten. If we are following hard after God, a few things are certain: we will rarely feel comfortable. Change will continually be happening. Rejection will come.

"Signing up" to follow God is a call that is guaranteed to be hard. In the end, it will be worth it. So much more than we can imagine. Following hard after God means we not only accept and submit to change, but we embrace it. We should be striving, day in and day out, to change. Not just for the sake of changing though. We should be chasing after the only change that will matter in the end, changing to be more like God.

This is a journey that will take the rest of our lives. We should always be running this race. Sometimes it will feel as though we take 1 step forward, but then 2 steps back. Friend, that's okay. God knows our heart. After all, He created us for such a time as this. If we are trusting in Him, then the changes will not destroy us.

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you’ll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving through change {Day 10}

Thriving Through Change {Day 9}

Change. The majority of us dread it. Especially when it's a change that's made for us. By someone else. Without our permission.

What's worse is when the change made by someone else may be a small change, but causes major complications. Like the small stone tossed into water causes ripples that go on and on, so does the effects of this seemingly small change.

The thing is, unless we are in a healthy state, able to step back and assess the change, it's likely to cause nothing but chaos. However, if we are focused on the One who is in control of everything under the sun, we often find peace we cannot explain. Sure, there may be momentary panic, but with a deep breath it dissolves.

We must let go of our desire to control everything. Surrender that control. If we do not, we will be strewn head over feet with every change - big or small.





I encourage you to take some time in prayer and ask God where you're at and how you can handle change better.

Thriving through change {Day 8}

Thriving Through Change {Day 7}

Today we take a musical break. Take the time to sit and absorb this song. Even if you know it, please slow down for a couple minutes and really soak in the message. This song, in particular focuses on God's grace and power changing each person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BI5jmGa4HzU

Did you listen to it? Good, because I'd love to hear your input or a link to a song that has brought about change in your life.

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving through change {Day 6}

As only God can time it, we started a new series at church yesterday that lands us in Philippians. The title of our series is "life changing realities." How fitting.

Yesterday's focus was on change and growth. Change is a fact of life, it comes whether we like it or not. However change doesn't always mean growth.

The only time we can be certain that change means growth is when we are intentional about what changes we make. When it comes to health, our good intentions get us nowhere. However, when we deliberately take the choices to change our habits, that's where real change happens.



What are some active steps that you need to take to make change happen?

 

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving Through Change {Day 5}

Five days in already. There are so many types of change that we could discuss. I have decided to boil it down into the bigger categories. Today, we'll look at the last of the categories.

Relational changes.

These, like the others, can swing from subtle changes to drastic changes. Going from acquaintance to friend, friend to best friend, and the like are along the more subtle changes. You have this friend and suddenly, it's like they're your sibling...closer than your sibling. This typically happens with time and shared experiences.

More drastic are when one friend moves away. A birth. A death. An end to a friendship. Beginning to date. Choosing not to any longer. Getting married. Divorced. As well as numerous other ways.

Some of these decisions are easier to make than others. Almost all, however, do have a lasting effect. Not just on one party, but on all invested in the relationship.

The key to thriving when relationships change is remembering the One who has promised us to always be the same.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Hebrews 13:8

By remembering that God is always the same, that he will never leave, it makes it easier to trust him when our relationships with other people change.

For me, a memorable change took place 9 years ago today. Kevin and I officially moved from that awkward like each other, to dating phase. More recent, my relationships with two awesome ladies was redefined when myself and another friend both had job changes. So the three of us went from seeing each other 5 days a week to maybe a couple times a month. Another friendship, the one with my accountability partner, came back. We had taken a hiatus but (once this mandatory OT is over) we're back in full swing. Excited to be walking life together again.

The bottom line being this, when we trust God's will for our life, we are also giving him our relationships as well. He will prune the unhealthy ones and nurture the healthy ones. But first, we have to let go of our two fisted grip on our relationships and give Him the opportunity to do so.

My friend, is it time to let go of our draw to control over our relationships so that some may fall apart, that other (more fitting ones) may fall together?

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving through change {Day 4}

This next change is one that usually starts with a decision and adjusts depending on several factors.

Spiritual change is similar to mental change in the sense that what we focus on, how we spend our time, and the choices we make impact it immensely. Not only that but it is sometimes hard to gauge exactly where we are. In fact, often the only way we have any inclination is from hind sight and insight from others close to us.

The biggest thing I've found to help us close friends. More importantly, my accountability partner. I have no doubt that the change in my spiritual life wouldn't be good if it weren't for having someone I trust to completely confide in. Someone who knows what's going on without me even having to say anything.

Spiritual change is a vital part of life. One we need to have a grasp on. We need to be taking steps to ensure that we are staying consistent.

Remembering that it is okay to let someone in. One who won't hurt out of spite, but speak the hard truths in love. Someone we can do the same for. Even if it's met with a tongue sticking out because it's not what we want to hear but we know it's what we need to hear.



What would you say is the most important tool for you to keep tabs on how you're doing spiritually?

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Thriving through Change {Day 3}

We've defined change. We've discussed physical change. Let's move on to mental change.

This one is harder to gauge. Most of the time, a mental change does not happen in the blink of an eye. No, this sort of change takes work and focus. However, it also happens in the reverse.

When we're diligent about what we're setting our mind on. We purposely seek out those people/things which build us up. We are intent on insuring the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the things we read, the people we spend time with, and what we use our free time doing. We will see our minds begin to shift to thinking more positively about everything in and around us.

However, when we fail to remain focused on those which build us up, we find ourselves easily distracted. We begin to crave things that we know aren't any good for us. We will find ourselves slipping. Sometimes it'll only be a step or two, other times we'll find ourselves so far down in the pit that we don't even know when or how we arrived there.

The best way I've found to remain focused on that which will build me up, is to remain connected with people who love, support and are praying for me always. For me, this comes through my accountability partner, my women's group through church and my online study gals. These relationships are vital to me.

We are walking through the tough stuff of life together all because we all realized that we needed something more. That walking through this life is harder when you do not have anyone to help you through.

If I'm totally honest, by the end of last week, I found myself down. By Wednesday, I was exhausted in every aspect of life. I was short with the ones I love the most. I was just feeling run down. Over the weekend I figured out why, I had allowed myself to get distracted during the time I'd been using to study the word.

Instead of saying no to the things that vied for my attention during that hour (or so) after work, I said yes to going and doing things other than study the word and let Him nourish my soul.

The challenge now is to become more adamant about taking that time to search our my Creator, to praise Him, to listen for His words for me each day. I have to say yes to taking the time that He has blessed me with to go sit and meet with Him.

Using that time for anything else has proven to hinder this thriving through change.

Is there time in your day where you need to say no to something in order to say yes to being loved on by the Lover of your soul?

*This post is part of a 31 day series. To find the entire list of posts please go to this post. I cannot wait to share this experience with you.

Thriving through change {Day 2}

Welcome back! Yesterday we defined change. Today, we will be diving into one of the many ways we experience change. We'll start with the most tangible way we experience change, physically. Our physical changes start before we are born. Even before any human is even aware of our existence.

We experience physical changes frequently. Whether it's from gaining weight, losing weight, growing, shrinking. Going from hot to cold, hungry, thirsty, and the like. These things are just apart of our human existence. Most of these changes are manageable, predictable.

The hardest physical changes come when they're unexpected, uncontrollable and unstoppable. The accident that takes away. The work related injury that takes us out of the working game. The surgery that ultimately changes the course of our life. The move that takes us away from all that is familiar, causing us to restart. The diagnosis that alters the family speechless and redefines what "normal" is for them. The temporary set back that moves our finish line to our goal back by days, weeks, months and sometimes years.

As I'm sure you're aware, physical change can range in many ways. We're looking here at both physical as in bodily, and physical as in location. Physical change hurts, often more than the rest. This type of change can be good or bad. Often it's dependent on our choices. A direct consequence of our action -- or inaction.

How can we possibly thrive in the face of physical changes? By relying on the One who holds us in his hands. When we choose to lean hard into the God who never changes, we can draw strength. When we seek His heart, we find the purpose behind the change. When we ugly cry out to Him, He is faithful to mend our broken hearts.

By breaking through our pride, humbling ourselves at His feet when it hurts, especially when these changes hurt, we will find healing. We will find mercy to take each day step by step. We will find help to hold our head up and smile.

*This post is part of a 31 day series. To find the entire list of posts please go to this post. I cannot wait to share this experience with you.

Thriving through change {Day 1}

Casting Crowns::Thrive
http://youtu.be/qQ71RWJhS_M

This song popped into my head as soon as I felt this topic come on. We were not made to remain stagnant. We are meant to change. Not just change but to thrive while going through it. So we start this series with a simple question:

WHAT IS CHANGE?

That may seem like a silly question. Of course, we all know change. After all, everything around us changes every day. For most, even every minute.

Change is as certain as death.

Change defined is this:
a. To cause to be different.
b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform.

Change happens in multiple ways. Whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, visibly or not. Most change has one thing in common. It hurts.

So this month we'll be looking into how change forms us. How we can not only tolerate, but learn and grow through times of intense change. As well as see different ways this change can and should draw us closer to our Creator. After all, He knows when, where and how change is coming. The best way to be prepared for it is to remain in consistent contact with Him.

*This post is part of a 31 day series. Here is the list of posts in this series. I hope you'll continue reading and join in this journey with me.

Day 1: Define Change

Day 2: Physical Change

Day 3: Mental Change

Day 4: Spiritual Change

Day 5: Relational Change

Day 6: Change and Growth

Day 7: Worship week 1

Day 8: Change/Regret quote

Day 9: Forced Change

Day 10: Change/Surrender Change

Day 11: No post

Day 12: Change will be hard

Day 13: Humility

31 days series 2014

The last several years I have participated with hundreds, even thousands of other writers to write for 31 days on one subject.

The challenge, finding a subject. Making it broad enough to be able to make a post a day throughout October. Yet refined enough to remain focused, on topic and fluid day to day.

The topics range from something simple like music, to something more complex like keeping a tidy home. Or we see ones that are spiritually challenging like 31 days to prayer, yet still physically challenging like getting and staying fit. The options here are unending.

Usually come mid-August, something deep within reminds me that this challenge is coming. Something fanning the flame of a passion long before found. Then early September one of my many writer friends will post another reminder of this upcoming event. It's then that the wheels really start turning.

The last couple days I've been sitting here, pondering, praying, waiting for what subject will be laid upon my heart. Late one night it comes to me. Something that most of us struggle with. I know few who are comfortable when it hits. Because it always comes. No one is spared from it.

Change

This last year has been filled with change. It seems like it's been filled with nothing besides change. Just when the ball starts rolling even slightly even again, more change hits again.

Which lead me to this subject. One that I'm still trying to figure out myself...





I hope you will join me.

The new venture: day one

If I had just one word to describe today...it would be this:





The flow of new information was flooding in. By lunch my head was swimming. The afternoon helped my feet touch the ground. As it consisted mostly of traditional HR paperwork.

The most memorable part of today, happened shortly before lunch. We took another tour, this time of both facilities. We walked across the parking lot to the building I hadn't been to yet.

Walked through the door, a very specific smell welcomed us. Well, welcoming to me. Probably not to most others. It was the very apparent smell of a machine shop.

As soon as the smell hit my nose a smile crept across my face. Memories from my childhood flooded in. Ones I had almost forgotten.

Suddenly I was taken back about 20 years. It's late at night, instinctively I wake up. I wander downstairs to greet my daddy, who just walked in from work. Before he could even make it to change into his pj's I was curled up on his lap almost back to sleep. Taking in that distinct smell.

I remember many times, especially when things got rough growing up, sitting in sadness. Wondering what was going to happen next. Where was this path taking me?"

As I laid there contemplating, that smell would waft in. Only daddy wasn't there. It was something deep inside-or someone rather-reminding me that it would all be okay.

Today, that smell was very much physically present. It reminded me, again, that it will be okay. The smell brought a greater sense of peace. Showing me, in yet another way, that this is the right step for me. For my family.

Team Awesome

To team awesome,

You know who you are.

Without you these last several months could have been a lot worse. Rather than dreading each day, it was possible to walk in with a smile. Just knowing there were others who cared as much helped tremendously.

This group has grown a bond. Deeper than any would have expected. There's the run of the line. From mama down to baby girl.

While the transition phase will be hard, I am sure that this group will remain in tact. No question about it. Shifting will come and go with each new venture. So long as effort is made by all, we will not lose this family we have found.

So ladies.
To each of you.
For: allowing me in.
Accepting my quirks.
Helping me laugh
Being a reason to smile.
Always supporting.

My deepest thanks go to you.

Until we talk again. Which I know will be soon.

All my love.

Cardboard testimonies

I've seen these floating around through the channels of social media. It's a unique concept that has a big impact. If you've never seen one, you can check out this video from the last one and see the work God has done in these lives.

I was busy running around with the most fun group of toddlers around. I would have loved to have participated in this display of God's power, grace and authority in our lives. I'll admit, I was a little bummed when I realized I wouldn't be able to.

Then a light bulb came on...I have this beautiful space here, so why not use it.







Upon reflecting last night at small group on the service, we all agreed that that it stirs us when we sit down and deliberately think of what God has done/is doing in our lives. We were also challenged to take time to independently do this more often. I know I definitely need to.

Friends, can I challenge you? To actually take time to reflect on your life? If you were taking. Part in this sort of testimony, what might your piece of cardboard say?

I'd love, if you're comfortable, would you share it here with me? That we might "...consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds." (‭Hebrews‬ ‭10‬:‭24‬ NASB)

Peace in change

This has been a long time coming. I've known it. Friends have known it. Family has known it.

It becomes even more and more apparent that something has to give. Especially when someone lovingly points out that you "looked fit to be tied the past couple days." When said with all the love in the world, it helps the haze clear.





The journey started 3 weeks ago. I began putting my resume in. As many places as I could. Experienced or not. Just to see what was out there.

One place in particular I remember thinking, "why not at least try?" It was a company completely outside of my experience.

Then about a week later, I begin talking with this company. I receive four calls in three days. That had to be a good thing, right?

Indeed it was. Not only was it a good thing, I can honestly say it was a God thing.

Monday came around. What a whirlwind it was. I went in for testing. While I was slower on one, I was faster on another. After that, they asked if I had time for a tour of the facilities. Again, absolutely was the first word out of my mouth. Followed quickly by, "I have all afternoon."

Took a half hour or so to tour the facilities. Then they took me into a room in HR. There I sat with four other people. Two supervisors, a person in HR, and a floor worker. Lo and behold, an interview. Talk about intimidating.

After about an hour in there answering and asking questions, I'm lead back to the break room. Left with, "we're going to discuss things. Rarely do we offer anything day of. We'll come get you once we're done."

Not even 5 minutes later they've come back for me. I sit back down with all four interviewers in there. Not only do they begin with expressing the level of impressed they were by the answers given, but they're also offering me the job. I graciously accept. Feeling as though I'm dreaming.

The HR rep sits with me and we nail down some dates. As well as sets me up to get the drug testing taken care of. I walk out of the building and realize that I'd been there for almost 3 hours.

So with that all out of the way, I press on through the week. As the reality settles in, the fog lifts and I settle into the peace of His plan. Knowing that even though this new venture is completely outside of my experience, this is where he's leading me. Leading my family.

Oh did I mention, it gives me the best of both worlds when it comes to being a mom? The hours are earlier in the day, which means it will allow me more time to watch my little guy grow up, learn and make memories. All while allowing me to help provide a better life for our family.

If that isn't God's work, I don't know what is.

To round out a great week, it ended with a get away with some lovely ladies.

i

It's time

It's been time. Should have happened long ago.

I'm done trying. I'm done striving. I'm done working harder than most see only to keep slipping backwards.

I'm done piloting. I'm done constantly worrying. I'm done trying to make everything happen. I'm just done.

It's not that I'm going to quit. I'm not giving up. Not at all. Rather, I'm going to start living.

If I'm so busy trying to make things work, if I'm working
just to barely make ends meet, if I'm doing things just to say I've accomplished something, I've lost sight of all that matters.

It's time I stop working to make a life and start living the life I've been blessed with.





I know that when I stop focusing on all the trivial issues that living in this world brings in my path and begin to focus on the One who put me on this path, things will dissipate. It will work out. I know it's true. I've seen it happen. I've experienced it first hand. Why then do I always fall into this pattern.

It doesn't work when I decide to take the pilot's seat. Honestly, it doesn't even work when I'm in the co-pilot's seat. It only works when I give the seat up to the One who knows the destination intended for me.

The reigns aren't mine to hold. Boy does it feel good to have them at first. Then something changes, somehow I end up in a desolate, deserted area. Searching. Panicking. Frazzled.

Then I hear it. It's in the distance. It's faint. As I turn toward the sound it begins to get louder. Then I take a step in that direction. With each step it gets a little clearer. Before long I see something in the distance. That's when the running starts. As I get closer I feel the peace over take me. I feel the freedom of being back on the right path. I feel the joy of knowing that He has my path planned for me.

It is only up to me to not let go of His hand. If I remain with God, I will succeed. The trials will still be there , but He will fight for me. I just need to clamp on to my Protector with all I am.

Because I know, in the end, He will win it all.

FMF: Lost

Go

Looked at this weeks prompt 10 minutes ago. Thought about waiting. Then this song pops on:

http://youtu.be/Tq62ggQKYJY

My mind instantly comes to this word. Lost.

How often do I find myself in worship, but rather than be swept away in the Spirit, I find myself lost.

Lost in my own thoughts. Lost in problems pressing in deeper and deeper. Lost in the music being played. Or the people playing it. Lost in the to do list. Lost in condemning myself of mistakes made. Lost in comparison. Lost in everything that the devil wants me to be.

Rather than losing myself in worship, I lose myself before I can get out of my own brain.

Getting lost in my Creator during worship used to be so easy for me. The first song would start and before I knew it, I was on my knees, sobbing--good sobs, on awe of the meeting that was taking place within me.

What happened to the days when we would worship to give God the praise? Have we lost sight of the One who made us, in order to draw more people in? Have we lost track of the heart of worshipping Him and have found ourselves guilty of entertaining those around us?

We cannot let the heart of worship be lost. After all, without the heart-God-it is no longer worship. It's a performance.

I would rather get lost in worship than let the heart of worship be lost.

Stop

Trophy of Grace...

When we first started delving into this book. I knew it was going to be big. I've been on a journey to overcoming labels and that is exactly what the book is enabling us to do. Instead of living under the all too familiar labels we so often succumb to, we are learning to relabel ourselves with descriptions that could only come from our Majestic Creator.

This weeks focus is taking off the "damaged goods" label that we have all had at one point in time or another and seeing ourselves as the "trophy of grace" God made us to be. Overcoming our past. The mistakes we've made. The bruises, wounds and scars left by others passing through. The circumstantial, relational and socioeconomic brokenness we tend to identify with.

Growing up I was the girl who always minded my own business. I kept everything to myself. The good, the bad, and most importantly, the ugly. I convinced myself that, while I keeping everyone at an arms reach, I was doing okay. That I could manage all on my own.

Some days I can still hear the faint whispers of degrading remarks made by someone who was supposed to love, support, and guide into the woman I was made to be. Rather, all I remember from that period of my life is the tone of never bring able to succeed, being too out-of-shape, and hearing the repetitive message of "no one will ever love you if..." Very few outside of the house had any inkling on the overall atmosphere going on inside.

Thankfully, I had already been a believer for a few years by the time it all started. I had a church family who were telling me the exact opposite. However, when the negative input out weighs the positive 5 days to 2, it's had to truly see yourself in the positive ways.

I am convinced that I was called to follow Him at the age of 9 to help protect my heart and soul from being consumed by these lies from the ages of 13 to almost 18. You see, my soul was already occupied by the Holy Spirit, there was no room for the lies to dwell in the depths of my life.

I can picture the battle that was going on within me. The lies of failure, inadequacy, fear, and hopeless relentlessly trying to defeat me. Their strength, all though painful, couldn't penetrate the shield already living within me. The force within me was greater than those arrows of lies, its greater still than the punches of life, and it will be for as long as I'm living. This force field-if you will-is comprised of the Truth and what He made me to be. Such things as love, strength, enough, worthy, beautiful, and so many more. That list will never end.

I just have to choose to believe His words concerning me. Not the words of a broken, fallen human. I'll be the first to admit, that I fail at doing this, more than I care to admit. Every day is still a battle. In this life, the small battles are where we find the strength to conquer the wars.





Every day I claim a new identity for myself. Every day I am learning to grasp that I am no longer damaged goods, but rather I am a trophy of grace.

When it breaks

Numb.

That's the only way to describe it. Duration is unknown. After all, in a state of numbness, it's next to impossible to keep track of time. Breakthrough happens when the running, the dodging, the ignoring stops. Hiding only lasts so long.

When the breakthrough comes, it's like a dam opening. All the passion that's been building erupts like a volcano. It's effects feel life threatening. That's when it becomes real.

Trying to pinpoint. It's been a year, maybe more. Given a gift, one that had been desired but that had been deemed unlikely. That's when it started.

The dodging, the preoccupation, the busyness, the hum-drum of daily life. When the gifts began pouring, the easiest thing to do was hide. To act as though nothing had happened.

When in reality, life had changed. Drastically.

Perhaps acceptance of the change kept feet dragging. Maybe the responsibilities with the change seemed too daunting. Likely, feeling unworthy pulled the heart away.

The dam finally broke. With it comes tears. Lots of tears. Pain takes several forms. An aching from deep within. One that can no longer be tamed.

Along with that. A weight. Compassion. Empathy. Uncertainty. Terror. All of it overwhelms.

Where to go from here is unknown. What to do with the ripples from here on out cannot be fathomed with human understanding.

Where passion is, purpose can be found. With purpose, fulfillment. With fulfillment, joy. Joy then leads back to passion.

Faced with a choice, continue to let it flow. Embrace the beast.

Or rebuild the dam. Go back to how it was before. Embrace the numb. The mediocrity.

The prayer is for lasting passion. To feel again. To not just be day to day but rather live out the passion. To ride the wave and see where it ends. Not only that but to enjoy the journey, not hide at the first sign of rapids.

It's bound to be an exciting ride. Pray He holds fast when it's not humanly possible any longer.

What about them?

These days grate on me. Those holidays that focus on one aspect of life. All of them. These days that put a specific group of people on a pedestal for a whole 24 hour period.

If you've followed along here long enough, you've probably noticed that I am not one that could care less about days like this. The days that this world wants you to go broke just to show your appreciation for someone. When we participate in holidays because consumerism says we have to.

Maybe it's my phase of life, when there's not much cash flow to go around, you realize that it's not the gifts that matter. Honestly, if we're intentional about showing appreciation throughout the year, days like this become just another day. No pressure to get the perfect gift, show love in a special way, Ect.

That, however, isn't the only reason these greeting card holidays get under my skin. If I had to pin point the number one reason these days don't settle well with me, it's because of those who end up being left out of the celebration for one reason or another.

This conversation is one I've been having with at least two of my dearest friends. Two different situations but still the same aching.

We say the right phrases to try to include those women who long to be mom's, but we fail to realize... those words are often meaningless to the ladies who struggle with empty arms day in and day out.

So I challenge my fellow moms, to simply stand beside our sisters who desperately want to be a mommy, but aren't. Instead of trying to say the right thing, to let them know that we see their pain and we're here for them. Even if the words aren't there, we hear their cry, we feel their pain, we love them and will carry them when that pain makes that next step impossible.





To my mom friends, happy Mother's Day.

To the ladies reading this who are in that season of struggle, waiting and praying that desperate prayer, you are not alone. You are remembered. You are loved.

Five Minute Friday: Friend

I've been craving participating in a five minute Friday again. It's been too, too long. It's an old weekly link-up that I have truly missed. I pray that life may be settling down enough that I am able to begin taking part in this again.

If you haven't heard about it, I encourage you to check out the home page. Every week there are hundreds of writers who dare to write without editing. To share our hearts on the given prompt. We'd love to have you join us.



I love today's prompt, as I woke up with this e very concept on my mind.

Today's prompt: FRIEND

GO

Friends often come and go. It's a rare gem to find one whom will last a life time. We never anticipate the ending of a friendship. Especially when they leave such a bitter taste in the mouth upon their exit.

We can be assured of this one thing, we have a Friend who will never leave us. He has promised that He will always be there. Always faithful, always ready to accept us, always willing to listen. Yet, so often, He's the one we forget about.

We all know what we want from a friend. Do we really know how to be a friend? That's almost just as simple. To be friends, we do life together. We allow another person to hunker down with us in life. In the good times. In the bad times.

As someone who has a hard time making friends, and keeping them, when I finally find a friend who I know I can count on, it's a joyous day. I can thank my Father above that He has given me a handful of them. I am blessed to call them not only friends, but sisters in Him.

STOP

 


Cousins make great friends.


Even furry ones.

New name, Same concept

A few years back, my husband and I began attending a new church. The first Easter we celebrated with our new body of believers, I heard Easter Sunday called by a different name.

Resurrection Sunday

The first year, I found it odd. Of course, I understood why it was referred to that way. I just wasn't sure about it. After all, Easter Sunday has always been called Easter Sunday. However, the more I reflect on it, the more I am beginning to prefer the new term.

Resurrection Sunday explains why we celebrate this day so much more than Easter Sunday ever could. For me, Easter means nothing more than a bunny and a bunch of candy if it isn't connected to the miracle of His resurrection.

The death of Christ would have been just like any other death had it not been for one last step. One that no other prophet, teacher, or religious leader has accomplished. None other died a death for His fallen people after living a blameless life. To take it further, none other have returned after 3 days to prove that He holds the power over sin, Hell, and death.

For those of us who have chosen to believe in the very statements written in the  paragraph above, maybe it's time we revamp our concept of Easter Sunday. This doesn't mean we have to abandon all the fun and games associated with the day, but perhaps, we book end our celebrations by focusing on, remembering, and celebrating the reason we have the freedom to do so.

It may mean changing our perspectives, our priorities, our activities. It doesn't necessarily mean that we avoid it all together. It may simply mean we make small changes to the fun and games. We replace some of the items in our baskets with faith-building fun. We place bible verses in the eggs we use for the hunt. We re-purpose the fun traditions to include the facts and history of why this day is so important to us.

In doing so, may we build families that look forward to "Easter Sunday" not for the fun and candy but because of the death and resurrection of Christ.

The song below has very significant meaning to me. It brings back amazing memories from my adolescence. I can not even count the number of times I walked into the apartment only to hear this song blazing, proclaiming this truth.

This song not only encompasses the events that happen from Good Friday through Resurrection Sunday, but I believe this is the same message the Father above is calling us to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMHyGh0RgCA

Will you accept the call? Will you arise in this new life?

I plan to. I sure hope you will join me.

We've only just begun

They said we were too young. Honestly, many still say we're young. We marched on. Step by step. Hour by hour. Day by day. We pressed forward arms looped together. Head held high. Sure we can conquer anything.



 

There were a lot of set backs leading up to that day. A few as we approached the hours before we said "I do" as well. Even so, we pressed forward. We'd come so far in the 3.5 years leading up to this, we weren't bound to stop now.

Here we are, 5 years later. Together for 8.5 years total. Still going through the trenches day in and day out. We've had to climb out of major valleys. We've also seen some very sweet peaks.

You have been my best friend through it all. One of few who knows absolutely ALL of my quarks, yet you choose...daily...to stay by my side. We've laughed together. We've cried...or I've cried...together. We've fought. We've made up.

Arm in arm, we still press forward. Day in and day out. We know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that so long as we remain united, keep our focus on our Creator, and keep pressing on, we will make it through anything we'll face.

Happy Anniversary Kevin. I look forward to all that is in store for us in the months, years, and decades to come.

It's a process

Slowly it rolls in. Gaining a little more ground day by day. It's a subtle shift really.

At first, it's just a little fatigue. Then comes the constant boredom. After that lack luster motivation.

Little by little this beast consumes more and more.

Then one day, out of the blue, it seems to hit. Hobbies aren't thrilling. Loves aren't exciting. Interests have waned. Everything seems to have dried up.

Apathy is it's greatest scheme. It's a way to isolate. Apathy is where the floating begins. Each day comes and goes. Followed by another. They run together. Unable to clearly differentiate one from the other.

The good is tempered to the routine fine. The okay becomes bad. The bad becomes a disaster.

Quickly the sitting around feeling worse than before. Not knowing how the journey lead there. Wondering again how to tackle this all too familiar mountain.

Then the sun rises. The dull brightens. The haze dissipates. Passion returns. Purpose reignites.

Until then. In the in between. The choice is to self-isolate or to reach out and let someone else in. The hardest decision is typically the best route. If one is blessed, there will be someone on the other end that simply says, "we can do this."

All we have to do is take the first step. No matter how small it may be.

Circle of moms

There's this culture today. One that I have grown to despise. It's made every aspect of life near unbearable.

The constant comparisons. The instant fighting. The constant battles.

This culture where competition is everything. Everyone is battling to be the best...or the least bad.

To be the best friend. The best sibling. The best wife. The best house keeper. The best mom.

The best mom.

Let that sink in. We are constantly finding ourselves in a race to be the best mom.

We, as women, have this constant pressure on us to have babies. Then once we get pregnant, there are a million new pressures placed on us (either my us, others or a combination of the two). Let's keep going, then we have the baby and everyone has an opinion on what you should do or shouldn't do. Then there's the I you do x, y, or z, you're gonna cause one of countless issues.

What is the point of it all? Why can't we lay our own opinions aside and just be there for each other? To listen to another mom talk through her struggles and not try to fix it all or offer advice.

Moms make the choice that best fit their baby. The ones that work for their family. They know what has and hasn't worked in their world.

Why can't we just put our opinions aside and simply say, "I know it's hard. I know you're doing what you need to for your family. I am here to listen when you need it. No judgements, no solutions, just love and support."

Mom's it doesn't have to be this way. We are all doing the best we can. Can we lay the battles aside and just support each other already?

The secret is, we are already the best mom we can be for our kids. For one simple fact, we were the one chosen to be mom of our child(ren).

Choose {A Five Minute Friday Post}

GO

To choose. To make a decision. To place judgement. 

Choosing is something that's not come very easily for me throughout my life. I have always had an analytical mind that lead me to running every. possible. scenario through my mind before making my choice. This happened with even the simplest choices. 

I can't count the number of times that we would be at a store and I would be given the opportunity to choose what item I wanted to get. I could stand there for hours weighing the differences between this and that. Which one would give me the greatest immediate satisfaction. Which choice would give me the longest satisfaction. Which color did I like better. Which would make me the happiest. Would it really complete me, or was I just making the choice because I needed to choose? 

I remember standing with one item in each hand and feeling the tears welling up in my eyes because I just couldn't choose. I remember having whomever I was with tell me to make a choice or we would put both back and I wouldn't be able to get anything. Then the tears really would start to flow because in my mind each of the items had feelings. I just couldn't hurt either of their feelings.

Choosing is still something that comes hard for me today. I am almost always left with guilt after making a difficult decisions. My mind continues to play the what if games long after the choice was made.

STOP

This is one of my favorite things to do each week. I join up with other bloggers to just pour my heart out. Won't you join us over there? (Click the picture below to be taken to the original post).

Me? Made for...what?!

In Ephesians 4:24 we read:

...and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:24 NIV)

Did you catch that? That word at the end? The fact that we were created to be holy?

If you're like me, you've heard it a million times. God created us to be like Him. I often find myself asking, what does that really mean? To be created like my Creator.

Words start flying around in my head. Some of them I understand, others I'm still learning. Words like perfect, whole, clean, loved, secure, holy, safe, pure, treasured, valuable. That list can go on forever.

Today, I want to focus on holy. Mainly because it's thrown around so often in Christian lingo, but I don't think many of us have actually grasped what it means. What it looks like. How to perceive if I am making steps that way.

Holiness defined is "he quality or state of being holy —used as a title for various high religious dignitaries." Well, that did a whole lot of good for me... How about you? Okay good.

Let's take it a step further. Holy what does it mean? It's definition reads "exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness." Now that really does help.

Think about it, God created us to be exalted, held high above everything. Through Him we are made worthy of relentless pursuit. Our belief in His death on the cross makes us perfect, without even the slightest blemish.

Isn't that an amazing thing? All of the "little" things that we see as being our ugly parts, are exactly what makes us His, unique creations that He sees at beautiful, amazing and useful.

What if today we started choosing to see our less-than-perfect areas as beautiful? If we took our larger- than-average bodies, and saw them as useful? If we lived our broken lives as redeemed by His love and grace?

Five Minute Friday {Small}

GO

Small. Itty-bitty. Tiny.

When I think of small my mind immediately goes to children. To the entire process of growing, raising and watching over a child. It's a process that fascinates me.

However, lets hash open another concept of small.

Small. To be microscopic. Small is something all of us Christ-followers are called to become. We are to shrink. To shrink of ourselves. To shrink into His image. To shrink out of the ways of this world.

He must increase, I must decrease. John 3:30

To become like Christ means to become small to myself. Small to my dreams. Small to my desires. Small to myself. Instead, I am to grow into His dreams for me. Grow into His desires for my life. Grow into Him. 

So what holds you back? What is the mountain that stands in your way? 

STOP

*Today, i'm linking up with a group of bloggers who dare to write unedited. To write raw. To write their heart. Unashamed. Real. Honest. We'd love to have you join us over at Lisa Jo's place for more info.

Emotional Triggers

Walking through this journey with some wonderful women has been eye opening. Even though I find myself still circling that same mountain. The wounds of defeat often getting deeper, more painful.

Then the spiral downward starts.

Defeat leads to self loathing. Self loathing ushers me into a pity party. Pity leads me to making irrational, emotional choices. Most of those involving food intake.

I know this battle with defeat can be has been won. So why does this mountain feel like it's every growing before me?

Oh, that's right, I always venture into this in my strength. As a fellow journeying friend said, I must learn to be more present in the Spirit. Only then will this become more than my battle.

Little Steps

Back in December, many of you may remember that I changed jobs. I started working at another company in my field. I quickly fell in love. With the company, with the clients, and found a renewed purpose of my calling to work with people who have special needs. It spurred on several posts, that I'm sure you remember.:

Why I Adopted The People First Philosophy

What I've Learned

While I have cherished all the people, experience and all that the new company has given me in this brief amount of time, it is time to readjust my career once more. This time a step forward. While it may look like a step back to most, I know in the deepest part of my soul that this is one step to this God-sized dream. There is more peace than one can even begin to describe in this.

You see, this week started a new chapter for our family. My beloved husband was faced with a hard choice when his company decided to eliminate his FT status at the start of April, meaning it would be the end of our benefits. The question was to wait it out to see if something opened up here, or do we start looking elsewhere to keep him within a company he loves and that treats us well.

A week or so after finding out he got word of a maintenance tech position opening up in town. Torn with not wanting to leave the crew he enjoyed working with and really needing our benefits to continue, he decided to apply for it. Within a day or two, he was called for an interview for a maintenance tech. He had the interview Monday of last week. Accepted the position (technically a promotion) that same day. The position started this past Monday. If that's not God's hand at work, I don't know what is.

All this came at a perfect time. After New Years, not only did my hours drastically drop but I have been expected to be on call. Which with a toddler, it is extremely hard to be on call. So, time and again, I found myself unavailable for various reasons when they would call me. After repeatedly getting upset over not being able to meet the requirements of the position, Kev and I sat down to talk.

Once he accepted the position, we decided that it was best for me to put my notice at the new place and go back to the other company. I knew there was something deep down that lead me to stay PRN when I left, and I believe we found this reason. By going back, still as PRN, it allows me to go back only 3 days a week for a while to see if it'll  work for us. If I need to pick up another day or go back 5 days, that's still an option. As would be dropping down a day or two if we should find fit.

While this would appear to be a step backwards, it is truly a step forward. The dream that was placed in my heart once we had our son, was to be a stay at home mommy. While I will still be working, I believe that we're going in the right direction. My days home will out weigh the days that I am working.

As I put it to a friend, this is my God sized dream on it's way to fruition.

I can't wait for the journey to fulfillment.

Valentine's funk

Every year this day comes and goes. Each year, at the end of it, I am left with the same feeling. A feeling of...well...it's hard to describe.

You see, we aren't ones to celebrate valentines day. Being love is something we choose to show all year, we haven't ever been big on making one day more about love than any other. Neither of us big romantics, usually choose to sit together and enjoy each other's company , watching a show we both enjoy and having dinner.

Why then, by the end of the day do I tend to have this unsettled, unsatisfied feeling?

I think it's due to the amount of exposure around me to what anyone and everyone of my friends has done, gotten or gone. I really should start avoiding social media during holidays like this. Especially since I usually walk away with this heavy feeling.

It all boils down to comparison. Every year I expect it to look different. To feel different to be different. But every year, it's just the same.

I am content with where life is taking us right now. I am elated to have not one, but two loves that I am blessed to share love with day in and day out. I am spoiled by their love. Their love on top of the already overwhelming love of my Creator is a greater gift than I could ever imagine.

But still...
The shadows lurk...

The best way I know to combat this feeling is to take a step back. To remember, this day, is just like any other day. I got more kisses than I can count from my sweet toddler. I have a husband who works hard, and takes a step forward in his job for me. For our family. We have a church family who cares, so much about how we're really doing. We have family surrounding us that will bend over backwards to help us. We have friends, who may as well be family, who are always there to listen when we need an ear.

I can proudly say that I am a spoiled girl. I need to remember, that today may be valentine's day, but that doesn't mean it's the only day to show love. I also need to remember I am not built to feel love the way others are and he's not built to show love like other guys.

I didn't marry Mr. Romance. That is OKAY by me. I doubt I'd know what to do if he was. I married the man who shows love in the everyday, little deeds. That's what matters most.

All that's left to say is this: I hope when midnight comes around and it is February 15, none of us stop showing love to those who matter most to us. You never know who may just need it.

2 Corinthians 12:9

My first attempt at verse mapping. Bear with me here.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB)

Don't you just love the phrasing that begins this passage??

And He [God] has said [spoken directly] to ME.

Have you ever felt that in your heart? That there were words written just for you? I know I have. It's a glorious feeling when we are given a specific word, directly from our Creator. The one who loves us more than we can comprehend.

"My grace [unwarranted favor] is sufficient [enough, satisfying] for you...

Think about that. God's grace, His glorious grace is sufficient. It is unmerited favor that fulfills us. To
The deepest parts, His grace is enough to help us make it through the day. No matter what may come, He will satisfy because He is graceful.

"...for power is perfected in weakness."

What an amazing fact. In te weakest of times, power is being made perfect. No just okay. Not good, but perfect. Without defect. The secret of it all? Is what comes next.

I would rather boast in my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

That's right. The secret is that this power is IN us. The moment we asked Christ to step in, to save us from ourselves. The power of Christ not only dwells in us, but it is exemplified in our weaknesses. It's when we are transparent about our weaknesses that Christ is able to fully step into the battle with us to help us conquer. That's where we will find the greatest freedom.

State of the peace

Peace takes on various looks. For some, it means peace and quiet. For others it means finding a moment to take a quick breath. Another might find peace in the middle of chaos. The busy parent may find peace when their kids are actually getting along. The working person finds peace in unexpected slow days at work. The stay at home mom may find it during nap time.

As vital as it is for us to find peace in each day, it is just as important to know what peace means for each of us.

For me, I find peace while I'm crochetting. In the rare snuggles from a busy toddler. After he's gone to bed and it's time for one on one time with the hubby. Yet still, I often find peace at work...well depending on which place. I also find peace in cooking (I don't know why I dread it so much even though I know it's relaxing). In the midst of chaos, if I can take a simple step back, breathe in and refocus, I am able to find some peace.

Peace is most easily found when we're tooned into our Creator. He created us to experience peace in Him. He gives us those key people, places, and things that help us get ever closer to having even just a small glimpse of peace.

Right now, in this season of change, peace is something I crave. Peace is something I long for. Peace, simple peace.

How about you, friend? How do you find peace?

What I've learned

They're the people I work for. Yes, I say I work at such-and-such company, but in all reality, the place I go is just a building. They're the ones that pay my wages. They're the reason I enjoy going in to "work."

I say it that way because while I may call it work, it rarely feels like that at all. I get to spend my days with people who truly love unconditionally. I get to color, play cards, joke around, or just hang out with some pretty amazing people.

I work with people who have disabilities. A job I thought would allow me to impact this group of people. In reality, they've impacted me.

My clients have taught me what true acceptance is. They don't care if you're over weight, under weight or the perfect weight. They just care that you're there.

These people I thought I was going to be able to minister to, they have ministered to me. Here I thought I would be showing them His love, but wrong again. They've showed me love like I couldn't imagine.

A group made up of beautiful individuals have taught me how to free myself and just be me. Honestly, most times I wonder where I'm most me. Is it at home with my boys, or is it at work with my clients? I still don't know.

This precious group inadvertently teaches me the fundamentals of life. Whether they mean to or not, there's a new lesson learned from them each and every day. But they all yearn for the very same thing we do, companionship.

I hope and pray that the lessons I learn from the people I work with spills out onto those I interact with outside of work. Many of the traits they're teaching me, I pray that I am able to instill in my child(ren).

Why I adopted the people first philosophy

How would you feel if someone defined you as the issue you struggle with the most? The thing that hinders us from achieving the next step? Then why, oh why do we do this with those who struggle daily with a disability.

We're so quick to define someone who has a disability by that name. Like someone who has autism becomes an autistic person. Someone who has a mental impairment becomes known as mentally challenged. Another who struggles with bipolar tendencies becomes the bipolar person.

This is something that I've learned with working with those who have disabilities. They don't want to be known for their impairments. They want to be known for who they are.

Are we any different?

I'll pick on myself. There are a long list of things I could use. For the sake of this example, let's use my often crippling battle with insecurity.

I don't want to be known as "insecure Amy." I want to be known as "Amy who struggles with insecurity." They say the same thing, but one labels me to being defeated by my issue, the other tells you who I am but informs you of a struggle I have.

I bet you can do it to. Go ahead, think of your greatest/most annoying struggle. Then insert it in the spaces below.

Hello, I'm Insert struggle followed by name

Or

Hello, I'm Insert name I struggle with Insert struggle.

Which do you prefer?

So let me challenge you with this. When you meet some one, anyone, instead of seeing that person in view of their circumstance, their struggle, or their disability, look past that and see the person first. Everything else second.

My Identity..

This is a subject that comes up here fairly frequently. That's probably because it's a journey that seems to never end for me.

I often find myself asking the question "who am I?"




That's not just any generic question. It's asking: who am I outside of my work? Who am I beside a wife? Who am I apart from mommy? Who am I outside of my friends? It's asking, deep down, in the depths of me who was I created to be?

If I went based off everything that I've been told/known from my past some of them would include:
-a girl abused mentally and physically by a stepfather.
-a girl who could have made camouflaging a professional sport. That meaning I knew what each person that I was/should be and I became really good at playing each part.
-a daughter of a forever recovering alcoholic. That alcoholism lead to a consequence that still effects him, and us today.
-an awkwardly shy girl.
-the outcast
-the forgotten one
-the loner---or at least I appear to be.

These were the identities I claimed. The identities that I wore mostly out of obligation. Others were placed upon me, unwillingly. Few proudly.

I have news friends! These titles don't have to define me. That list is not who I am.

That list is who Satan wants me to believe that I am. Sadly, I still into those traps. More often than I like to admit most times.

With each day, there's a new chance, a new challenge. Today, am I going to walk in the shadows of the yesterday's that haunt me? Or am I going to bask in the Son who has claimed me as His? Because really, that all relies on me, no one and nothing else.

Because of Him:
-I am now accepted
-I am seen
-I overcome daily
-I am learning to be me.

I am still on this journey. I still see nothing but a blank page when someone randomly asks me who I am, but I am not compelled to be or do anything that I don't feel is right or that I'm not called to do.

In that, I find the sweetest freedom one could ask for.

A win? Or no?

Today, 1.28.14, Indiana passed a bill to ban gay marriage throughout the state. For many, it's a huge win for those in the fight to keep marriage pure. For others, it brings about sadness, astonishment, and even anger.

Talking it over with a few people tonight, these thoughts keep turning in my head.

As a Christian we are taught to view marriage as being between one man AND one woman. It is said at least five times in the bible. At least in the New American Standard search.

That is what I believe. I believe this because I believe that Scripture is God breathed, and the truth. I have made this choice to believe this to be true.

Do I agree with the life style that that a homosexual chooses to partake in? No, I don't.

Do I feel that it's my place to tell them if they can or cannot spend the rest of their life with the person they believe to be their soulmate? No, I don't.

Do I believe that the biggest reason people have a hard time with this concept is because the word marriage is used? Yes, I do.

So, you may be asking, where do I stand then:

I believe in being love to the world. The saved and the unsaved. Unconditional, non-judgmental, sacrificial love. The very same love Jesus showed.

We don't often shun others who have chosen a lifestyle contrary to our beliefs quite the way we shun the homosexuals.

For me, this means looking beyond the lifestyle choices that go against my beliefs. It means being that Christ follower-maybe the only one- that sees them as an individual and not as the enemy.

For me, this means serving them. The same way I serve my loved ones. Or maybe serving them more/better. Christ came and set the ultimate example of this. He didn't focus on saving the already saved. No, His life's work was (besides to save the entire world) was to give us a tangible example of how to be love to the world.

Much of this boils down to us willingly setting aside our predetermined opinions and becoming the least of these to those that need it most. In this case, I believe that the least of these includes homosexual couples.

It is not our job to judge, ostracize, or exclude anyone, for any reason. It is our job to love them.


*Disclaimer: this is not to start a debate on right or wrong. This is just one persons thoughts that were ignited by an event in today's society. Please keep any and all discussion respectful.

Marvelous counting (42-80)

A couple weeks ago, I began sharing a journey with you. I started to count gifts. Not just the big gifts, but the seemingly insignificant, everyday gifts. The goal is 3 per day. Let's continue, shall we?

42. TV shows that we both like
43. Sister who's willing to buy some diapers.
44. Previous experience with stranger/separation anxiety
45. Clients that never disappoint when it comes to putting a smile on my face.
46. Cuddles between nap time and cuddle time.
47. Ability to show/feel love
48. Gift cards
49. OBS--made to crave study starting to take shape.



50. His promises being kept, long before I felt the need.
51. A relaxed pace at work
52. Bargain hunting with Angela at target
53. Nap time OYB catch up
54. Sister time--a way to help me wind down after upsetting news.
55. Andrew's excitement over new toys
56. Friends who are willing to love on, pray for and challenge me trough the different phases of life.
57. Church sparking different ways to think/live
58. A child who's growing and learning on pace or quicker than others his age.
59. Time spent with the hubby.
60. Unexpected work
61. Miracle estimate from the insurance.
62. Clients who talk/joke with me and help make the work day pass quickly.
63. Time with my adorable nephew



64. Picking up the check for his car
65. An honest husband--even when the truth is hard to hear and harder to say.
66. Laughing with my clients
67. Watching jake so Kev and his mom could go say good bye to an old friend
68. Warm covers
69. Blog hop Thursdays.
70. OT for Kevin to use as a way to leave early/recoup from an already long week.
71. Grocery shopping after work.
72. Ability to survive on one car.
73. Meeting with a friend just to talk and soak in each other's company.


(no the toddler didn't have coffee...he was just intrigued with the cup)
74. Seeing Rick before he left to live down south again.
75. Sleeping in (well, compared to normal)
76. A day of reading
77. Me time-after Andrew went to bed.
78. Over time to help cover us.
79. Courage to be completely honest.
80. Noticeable improvement.

Have you started a list? I'd love to shar in your joys with you!!

Permissible but not beneficial

This simple verse. A verse I've heard hundreds of times before. It impacted me more than I was expecting this time around.

Maybe it's the state of disarray my life seems to be in. It could very well be the incredible group of women I have been given the privilege to walk through made to crave with. Or perhaps it's something bigger, because we know our God loves to do new things.

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. "Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NASB)

That however was not the verse that hit me so profoundly this time around. No, the verse capable of doing that --this time was this:




My wheels started turning pretty quickly upon reading this verse. Between that and the question " what do you crave more than you crave God?" *insert wince*

While I've thought about this before, it's never been in this sort of study setting. If I was honest, I crave a lot more than I seem to crave God. Not all of it food. While this study is focusing on food, I recognized that my craving falls more toward my relationships. When my relationships he rocky, then I turn to food to help ease that. And I know where the root of that comes from.

This is a season of many relationships shifting. Throughout this season, I need to look to God and that relationship to sustain me. Nothing else. Not people. Not objects. Not food.

3 weeks in...

...and 2014 has not been very good to us so far.

I think when I said "2014 can #BiteMe" it was taken as a challenge. See, that was on the 7th. By then we had learned that my hours a a job I had recently started were drastically cut as of the first of the year. Then I get a call from my lovely husband informing me he had been rear ended on his way home.

The good news--he was okay. No aches or pains to date. The bad news--his car was not.


I still cringe when I see this.


The best news, as my lovely sister put it, cars are replaceable, he is not.

God did what he does best, and gave us a miracle in the amount insurance valued his car. We expected a fight to get a decent amount. They called and all we could say was God is good.

Indeed He is.

Then on the 21st (exactly 2 weeks later) the day we're to pick up the check, I get rear ended that morning with our son in the car. This time, the car isn't damaged too badly, likely just needs a new bumper.




Unfortunately, it irritated my back and neck again. Just to the point of annoyance, not an aching, stabbing pain. Andrew seems unscathed.

Then later that day more bad news. While details we're preferring to keep under hat right now, we would appreciate many prayers for guidance and big huge billboard signs. Even the preverbal 2X4, if that's what it takes.

Even with all this I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this year will be magnificent. After all, we believe in a God who is known for His ability to take the beat down, worn out, broken and make it into something built up, filled in, whole.

So I have to choose to believe that all of these things going on shows us two things:
1. That we are right where God wants us to be. (why would satan be fighting so hard to knock us down if we weren't?)
2. That God has something big in store for us. Something so big that we cannot see what is coming our way.

So I think more than just learning to see it in the things around me, I am going to have to intentionally choose to make this year



Weigh in Wednesday:
Last week: I was at 165.
This week I weighed in at 163.6.
Total lost in 2014 to date is 1.4lbs.

Encouragement: A FMF post

Well hello there good friend. It's time again for Five Minute Friday. A time where we all meet up over at Lisa Jo's  place and share a peice of ourselves based off of a simple prompt that we're given. Won't you join us? It's such a fun little gathering.

To be encouraged to me is to be uplifted. To be thought of. To be accepted.

Enouragement takes on a different look to different people. Just as the way we feel and show love different, the same goes for encouragement.

Encouragement is vital when it comes to a healthy relationship. Encouragement, perhaps the core of a relationship.

Perhaps the greatest encouragement one can give to another person is the simple act of believing in them and their talents.

You are invited

Monday marks the start of a remarkable study. One in which we learn to shift our cravings. One which we will learn to seek our Creator over our that which our flesh desires.



Made to crave came out if the authors journey through the Bible. Not jus any 'ole journey. She purposely dug into the Bible searching. Searching for what words He had for her concerning how to view food.

This journey lead to an unbelievable understanding within herself. She learned where roots were planted. She learned the reasons behind why food was so tantalizing when certain situations arose. Most of all, she discovered that food was created to sustain our body, not to control it.

This is the journey that so many of us are venturing into next week.

Won't you join us?

Weigh in Wednesdays

It's time that I get back on track with my journey to health. While I believe all around health is more than just weight, it's time to start paying attention to that as well.

By November I was down around 162. When I weighed in this morning, I was up to 165. So a minor setback. I'm ready to get at it again.

In fact, Monday I am starting a book study of Made To Crave with a group of over 33,000 women! I'm so excited.

Beyond that, I am going to work on eating better. With tight finances, going extremely strict isn't an option right now, so I am going to start using myfitnesspal again. My screen name is godsbeloved110 if you're on there too. I am going to start tracking my water intake as well.





How are you working to become healthier?