To My Core

Have you ever had someone say something to you that for one reason or another just rubbed you the wrong way? I have a lot. Some hit harder than others. Some, depending on the source, touches a place with in that you thought was closed off forever -- not necessarily in a good way. Then there are the ones that just roll off your back and we never think of it again.

Well, recently, I had a comment from someone I don't even know hit me hard, and I mean extremely hard. Practically crushed me. Although, I'm fairly certain that it wasn't meant to cause harm, but it stung all the same. After laying my heart out, admitting to probably the biggest struggle I have, the comment tore to the deepest of my core.

For those who don't know me, you're probably wondering where I'm coming from, unless you've ready any of my previous blogs. For those who do know me, you can probably guess where this is coming from. Just so we're all on the same page, this blog is coming out of my constant, ever-going, never-ceasing, always-daunting struggle with a little (HA!) thing called insecurity.

It's strange how one comment that ends up discouraging someone can stand out and being to tear you down. Even if the ration is one negative comment to a dozen positive ones. This happens to people who struggle as I do.

I can say that after doing some immense work with God and the support of a mentor, there have been strides made in gaining control over the beast. Even with all the work that the 3 of us have worked on, insecurity is STILL a daily and consistent battle.

I am choosing to forgive the offender, because, after all, they may not have even meant it that way. I am choosing to release the hold that the comment had over me all afternoon.

Now, back to the struggle. I've recently learned some of the tips to overcome the stumbling blocks that may be placed in my way. By the generous portion of grace that my loving Creator gives, day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute, I am gradually gaining control over my falls to insecurity.

Since God gave the security to me, I am going to do my best not to give it away, to anyone. How? By depending on the strength I know my Almighty Daddy will give me. No matter how hard it will be at times, I will look to God for my self-esteem.

For some, saying that if I think I am __________ then I will be __________, works for them. For others like me, it takes more work then simply thinking it.

It takes a process of turning the head knowledge that we generally have into a heart knowledge. That process (for me) includes massive amounts of prayer, continual accountability, constant reminders (both scriptural and personally), and a ton of prayer from those around me.

For some issues, they clear up in a matter of days, hours or even (rarely) minutes. For most, it takes weeks, or months. Then for a few (like my insecurity problems) it can take years or even a lifetime.

My prayer is for support, not judgement. I hope for love not pity. Most of all, I look to glorify God and gain nothing else for me.

Well, here it is, my heart sprawled out.

Peace Friends!