Scrolling through pictures on my phone and I found one from 12/30/18. Exactly a year ago. While it is like many others I have, this one contained special purpose. Significant milestone. After 3 weeks, 2 procedures and a lot of questions (some answered, some not), dad had come home from the hospital.
Our little girl, such a papa's girl was so excited to have him home. We were all relieved to be under the same roof, just in time for the new year. Little did we know what the year held for us.
As the year started to unfold we began settling into routines. Some doctors appointments here, labs there. We also began to realize that our new normal wouldn't be what it was before. We remained hopeful, believing God could restore but also aware that he may not.
This was followed by challenging months full of doctors appointments, ER visits, another hospital stay or two. Everyday a new or different uncertainty came to light. The evidence becoming clearer and clearer.
Just before summer, another week long hospital stay. No longer could the truth be ignored. His body was worn down. A choice had to be made. We could have stayed on the same old cycle, body wearing down more and more with each trip or we could take a different road a new road.
The decision made was the hardest one. The right one. The best one.
Choosing to step off the merry go round, seeking to have a better quality of the life left within. Hospice stepped in and finally some peace settled in.
We made a few changes, but things got better. We could look up, breathe in the life around us and enjoy each day for what it was. No more doctor appointments. No more EMS/ER trips. No more "what's next" questions.
The kids got invaluable time with the man they both loved so much. We were given the chance to care for, talk with and allow him to have his best days.
This doesnt mean any of it was easy. On the contrary, it was the hardest leap of faith I've ever taken. The journey was excruciating. The spiritual battles fought and ultimately won were beyond anything I'd experienced before.
In the end, when the dust settled, more peace followed. New lessons learned. Discovered those who loved and supported us best. Bonded with others in new ways. Found hard truths about some. All lessons that benefit, no matter how hard the realizations were.
2019 started with a phrase, one that I didnt realise was going to be absolutely crucial to all the events that were ahead. Walking through a store a mug had jumped out at me that simply said "stay grounded." Through it all, that was essential for more than merely surviving everything that came our way.
At the end of the year I am blessed beyond any measure. Two amazing kids who have been through the wringer but have blossomed into incredible people. An amazing husband that showed unwavering support in the seasons that came and loved me well through them. A loving dog who is an absolute sweetheart, even if ultra-needy. A circle of friends who are more like family. A God who sustained, strengthened and showed up time and again.
With this we are ready to close the chapter that is 2019. We cling to the lessons learned. Remember the many we lost. Remain aware of the blessings around us.
Tomorrow we open a new book and chapter. One that is full of optimism and hope. 366 days to connect. With God. With others. With myself. 366 chances to reconnect.
366 chances to seek out joy.
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