Last week, I posted on a friend's blog about surrender being completely dependent upon trust. If you've read my writing for any amount of time, I'm sure you know that trust of any sort, toward anyone, comes extremely hard for me.
Worship this morning was painfully beautiful for me. I know that seems like an oxymoron, but if you're like me, when God moves it is just that. It's painful yet beautiful at the same time.
Isn't it usually?:
the most painful things turn into the most beautiful
the hardest things to start are the easiest to keep going
the most feared tasks become the most loved
the worst of all trials turn into the biggest blessings
So, why then are we so terrified fearful to take the next step if we can't see the whole picture? To completely surrender because we're scared to trust? To love without abandon those who may not have someone else to love them?
Perhaps, it's because we've been burned once and we're afraid that if we did it, then our entire being will get scorched. Maybe, [more realistically for me] it's because we're scared that the initial pain won't be worth the final result.
When I was sitting in church today, this song was playing and I find myself on my knees, completely overwhelmed. It was here that I got my first taste of surrender. It was extremely painful to completely surrender, but when I looked past the pain I could see and feel something beautiful coming.
I may have to wait to see the finished concept of beauty, but I am confident that if I can turn my life into a constant surrender (second-by-second, minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year) I am confident that a little more of the beauty with each passing trial until, one day, in Heaven, I'll be able to see the entire picture, the beauty of everything coming together.
So to describe today I'm going to use two words that may seem like an oxymoron, but are truly something amazing when put together. My phrase for today [and hopefully the description of my life] is:
Painfully Beautiful
Is there a phrase that may seem odd to others that fits your situation, your day, your year or even your life?
Oh my word - you KNOW that I get "painfully beautiful."
ReplyDeleteThat song is awesome. .. I have never heard it before.
Worship today was painfully beautiful for me as well... I almost fell apart, which is a problem... because I was leading it.
Haha. :)
I DID fall apart. Part of me is glad our sanctuary is dark so no one can see the sobbings snotty mess I am most weeks.
ReplyDeleteI feel like we're twins most days because of the way we're able to relate to each others situations and lessons.
PS we're less than 3 weeks out from the launch of imustlovegod!!!!
I know!!! :) :) :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes on the twin thing. Except for the age difference. Ha! :)
So.... Grace for the good girl.
CHapter ten is HUGE.
I think I am going to just do chapter ten.
It is really.... a lot to think about. What about you?
Meredith! I know exactly what you're talking about..plus it makes more sense to do it that way because chapter 10 is the end of part one anyway.
ReplyDelete[...] “…instead of taking our inabilities, weaknesses, and shortcomings to God, we choose to try to deal with sin ourselves and hide behind try-hard masks.” How often do I try to “fix” the problem areas in my life rather than surrendering? Why do I do this? Oh, that’s right because it’s painful and I don’t want to feel the pain. Little do I realize I have to go through the pain to get to the beautiful. [...]
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, Amy. And as I'm sure you can guess, I totally get "painfully beautiful". Isaiah 62 has become one of the Scriptures most precious to me. In fact, I don't even think I ever really saw true beauty until I experienced true pain (not that I'm done with the pain part of life--OR the beauty.:))
ReplyDeleteAmy! Thank you for those kind words. I, too, hope I'm not done with the pain BECAUSE of the beauty...however weird that may sound.
ReplyDelete