What Went Wrong {& gifts 106-120}

Friends, have you ever had one of those nights where you feel like you could just break down at any second, for no particular reason? As I sit here tonight I'm feeling very heart broken. And to be totally honest, I'm not quite sure why. All I know is that I see a brokenness in the world around me and I feel it in the deepest parts of my heart.

Maybe it's because the "normal" brokenness we see in the world around us has started continued to seep into my family and close circle. Perhaps it's because as I find myself plunging into 1 Peter with my hello mornings gang I am starting to see more about the world around me that is less than appetizing. However, it could be due  to the raging hormones of pregnancy. Although somehow, deep inside I think it's a mixture of the first two with just twinge of the third. When I look around, I can't help but wonder,

what went wrong? 

Then I look at the traits that God created us to represent. Love. Peace. Respect. Hope. Kindness. Joy. Grace. Him. Then I look around me and I have a hard time seeing these. More often we see hate, rage, disrespect (or lack of respect), hopelessness, disdain, bitterness, Satan.

When we stop yearning to look like Him, we cease to be able to accurately reflect these traits. When we stop reflecting these traits, those around us cease to see even a fraction of who He is. When we stop searching after  the God who created us and stop reaching for the characteristics He wants us to have, we fall hard. We fall prey to Satan. We fall right into his traps that are set up for us.

I see vicious cycles floating around in the air around me. Cycles that I try with all my might to avoid. Honestly, I've found myself trapped in these cycles most of my life, because that's all I had ever known. Until He guided me into relationships with other believers that helped shed light on the true issues in which they were rooted.

Now, it is only by His grace that I do not fall into those cycles (as often). I'm not afraid to admit that at times I still fall prey to them. Now I stop and ask myself,

what can I do?

But I have found the key to avoiding many of those major traps. Daily worship, scripture reading, and prayer.

 

So as I sit here tonight, something of which I'm not totally sure the origin, weighing heavy on my chest. I can sit back, take a deep breath in, exhale some of the heaviness and TRUST that my spirit is conveying the prayers that my brain doesn't know it needs to be saying. Not only that, but I can trust that God is already at work in my heart to show me the steps I need to take to help the heaviness.

 

*Because I know that one of the best ways to come out of a mood like this is to count some of these...and after all it is still Monday...

106. I love feeling the strong kicks of my little boy. Although I might not think they're as sweet when he gets on the outside...
107. Brokenness
108. Beauty in brokenness
109. Circumstances that bring about
110. Friends who pray at the drop of a hat
111. The ability to be Switzerland
112. A job that challenges me
113. A very active baby boy
114. 1 Peter
115. Challenges that make this life worth while
116. 31 parties that allow me to get to know other women around me
117. The good days at work
118. Quiet time in the morning
119. My desires for a family that is a-typical in today’s society
120.A husband who has the same desires for our family