Goodbye 2017

You have been a hard one.

The highs were few and far between, while the lows were much more frequent and severe.

When the year started pretty much everyone had nothing but high hopes for you. Not that 2016 was bad, but looking ahead at a new start, a new chapter, one unwritten and full of possibility brought about excitement. The excitement lasted for a bit, then reality hit. 

Almost everyone I've talked to is feeling beaten, bruised, and weak after a very long, hard and challenging year. This last year proved to be one that brought the worst out in everyone and everything around. Loss hit hard this year. Health issues arose for some. Financial hardship for others, from unexpected medical needs, to sudden loss of provisions. Division has run rampant. Satan's been fighting to keep God's people down in any way he possibly can. This year, he did a good job.

The year in our household started joyfully. We anticipated the arrival of our little girl. She came into this world 5 days early. A few months later, we would be blessed with the ability to move into a house that fit our family better. Midway through the year, I would accept a promotion at work.

The most amazing thing of 2017 has been watching our kiddos grow together. From the time June was born Andrew has been all about her. The affection returned as soon as she realized who he was. The bond those two share has been absolutely mind blowing. They are completely obsessed with each other and it's amazing to watch.

In the course of this year we had some hard good byes to say. God called some people Home. While we knew they were no longer bound by their earthly limitations, we were saddened by their presence being gone from us. Memories and stories are what will get us through until we will see them again one day.

So many different circumstances wore throughout the year. Financial, spiritual, health, and so much more. Just about everyone has their own battle that they faced last year. Each of us has our own story. As everything in our life, there is no competition. Each one of us face different circumstances and there is purpose in each and every one of them. We may not know what it is while we're here on the planet, but I am confident that one day we will see how our life weaves into His tapestry. At that time, we won't see the imperfect, chaotic underside of the tapestry, rather we will see the big picture.

With this we say our good byes to all that happened in 2017. We begin to look ahead to 2018. We pray that it is a better year. We are determined to ensure it will be. With fresh eyes we are looking toward God. Leaning in to hear what He has in store for us.

Happy new year's eve my friends. Here's to all that's in store for 2018.

Different feelings

The first week of December. The start to what is probably the busiest month of the year in our household. Between birthdays galore and holiday gatherings, it's been hard to remain focused on exactly what this season is about.

This year though.
It feels different.
For some unknown reason.

Typically the dread starts weeks ago. Sure, it felt like an impending certainty just lurking beyond. This year though, instead of coming in, overwhelming and smothering...it just dissolved.

The dread isn't hanging around my neck, waiting to drag me down to the deepest of depths. In it's place is joy. Joy coming from the faintest spark has begun to engulf more of me. Little by little it started. It's still slowly creeping, beginning to take hold of more and more.

Perhaps, for the first time in a long time, I'm seeing it through a kids perspective. Our almost 5 year old is a Christmas baby. It's radiating out of him this year. More than normal. And it is infectious.

Every Christmas song he hears, he instantly knows. Each decoration is pointed out and announced, as if he had hung them himself. All the little details that usually go unnoticed by me, brought to life. Given a new excitement. Watching the joy and excitement in his eyes, has lifted some of the dust off of mine.

This year, too, our focus has been different. Instead of where we need to go and when, it's been on what will be best for us and the kids. Focusing on family over the typical demands. Enjoying the small moments when we're urrounded by love.

So far this season, I've learned that focus on what really matters, makes all the difference.

Enough

I am enough.

This is the message that's run by me AT LEAST 3 times today. I heard it in the message spoken. I read it in a devotional, and again in a book i just started. I just saw it in a post. I felt it in my heart, no...my soul, as each of these came across my path.

These last few months have contained a lot of new. A new position at work flinging me deeper into learning than I was even aware. All the new that comes with the first year of life with a new child. The adjustments needed in the day to day so each child gets the time they need. And on the list could go.

Life has been all go, go, go. Some of it by choice, some of it by happenstance. With all the pull in so many directions, I'm rediscovering the meaning of words that seem so easy to suggest doing, even when we all know how hard it is to carry out.

A big one is rest. To allow myself time to recoup from things. Learning that I can't always immediately go from one thing to another. This is for my sanity, as well as my family. Rest, is good but rest is better when I rest in God, his promises and his guidance.

Another is cherishing the small things throughout the busy. The times my super independent 4.5 year old comes and asks, "can I sit with you?" The answer is always yes, even though he doesn't fit nearly as well as he used to. The times when baby girl forces me to stop because it seems the only way she'll calm is with cuddle time. The laughs with my husband, over barely anything sometimes.

Another lesson on the horizon is learning that which needs to take priority. People, events, tasks. Absolutely everything that we commit time, energy and thought to runs through a filter. Learning to say no to inherently good things, in order to let more lasting things blossom.

Remembering I am enough. Just as I am. Imperfections and all. This is where I need to let my heart lie.

Letting God remind me, constantly sometimes that he made me to be me. That by simply being me, is enough.

That is where true freedom is found.

What I'm learning

Anyone who knows our boy, knows he's a super sweet, amazingly smart, tender boy. We also know he has some tendencies that lead to seemingly over emotional reactions, can easily hurt by others words, as well as actions, gets easily embarrassed, especially if he's been corrected and that he has some texture issues.

We began noticing these things when he was very young and instinctively taught him coping mechanisms. For the longest time, I'd referred to it as a sensory thing. Which isn't entirely wrong, and at the time, it was the best description I could come up with for some of his quirks. 

Until I saw this test. Ways to know if you have a highly sensitive child. With each check of a box, I began to understand my boy better. These traits weren't just quirks. Nor were they anything in need of diagnosing, excusing or hiding.

These things we'd learned about him were part of how he's built. They are who he is. These tendencies don't need disciplined, changed or shamed. 

What we've discovered, even before knowing what it was, has been that he needs to hear that it's okay to feel. Being overwhelmed is normal. That everyone experiences it. He needs reassured that feelings aren't all bad. He needs us to give him tools to fully live despite the sensitivities.

He also needs to know how to cope with these things. Each aspect of being a highly sensitive child can effect someone differently. Here's the real kicker, the reactions differ with each situation that's faced. 

The more I read up on highly sensitive children, the more I understand my boy. The more I understand myself (more on this later). The better equipped I am for those inevitable breakdowns, those instances where I may need to intervene and those times when it's okay to just let him feel. 

 As a parent, I'm learning to embrace these things. Rather than letting some of them annoy or frustrated me, I'm making the conscious decision to join him where he is. When he's overwhelmed and acts out, I no longer instantly correct or discipline.

Instead, I will step back and take in the whole picture. After taking a few seconds to analyze what's really going on, then I will take action. If discipline is needed, it'll be dealt. If it's not, we discuss what just happened and process how to handle it better. On his end, and ours.

What I'm discovering is this, when he's given the appropriate tools and space/permission to use them, our days are much more enjoyable. When we encourage him to communicate freely what he's feeling, the meltdowns become less severe and more scarce. By acknowledging that his needs to process things the way he needs, in his time and celebrating the little victories we are giving him the tools to succeed in life. He'll become an adult who not just deals with his sensitivities, but thrives because of them.

After all, that is our ultimate goal as parents.

To the parents of the sensory sensitive child...

Sensitivities come in many forms. Some are diagnosed, others aren't. Regardless, you know you have to be "on it" at every moment.

It isn't easy, is it? To sit and watch your kid have a melt down. When they have to step away from an activity for a break. To know when they're approaching their limit and intervene...however way is necessary. To leave early, sometimes after just getting somewhere, because it's just too much.

Can I tell you something? It is okay to do this. Will everyone understand? Absolutely not, but that is okay. We have to do what is best for our kids...no matter what.

Even if it means missing out on something that had been anticipated for a long time. Or having to leave when there are people whom aren't seen often. Leaving to help your child, or even yourself, avoid any type of exhaustion, melt down or the like is absolutely understandable.

Anyone who tries to guilt or shame for you doing what you know is best for said child...well that's on them.

To the parents who have these children, I want to encourage you today. Embrace their sensitivities. Look for the strengths in it, trust me...if you look, you'll find them abundantly.

When a meltdown happens, maybe instead of feeling ashamed, embarrassed or frustrated, we'll lean down and engage that child. Let them know that you see THEM, that you are there WITH them, and together you will get to the other side.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for sensitive children is to allow them to just let it out. In whatever means necessary. To occasionally give them a free pass to just feel whatever is inside, without needing to rationalize or explain.

To the parents in the trenches with a highly sensitive child, I see you. Even when you feel like you're failing at every turn, you can do this and you're doing great. You are exactly what your child needs.

Listen to what your child is telling you. In any way they're saying it.

Hang in there, you're doing great.

Signed,

A fellow parent in the trenches.

We are more...

...than our job choice. More than the career in which we spend most of our waking hours working. We are made for more than punching in, working, and punching out. Our identity is not what we do to provide for ourselves. It can only be found in the One who created us.

We were primarily made for fellowship with God. Yes, with instructions to care for the land around us (Gen 2:15). However, like most things humans get a hold of, we took it to the extreme.

In today's society one of the first things you learn about someone is what their career is. Then the concepts of position in the family, if you will. Tack on a list of hobbies, TV shows and various activities we participate in. When really someone wanting to learn about us is really looking to learn what traits we have.

While common interests, jobs, ect are great places to start a relationship. It's mutual sharing of heart issues that strengthens a relationship. This is something a lot of relationships lack.

Likewise, our purpose and worth aren't tied to actions. Not in the meetings we attend. Not in the deeds we do. Not in how we choose to spend our "free" time. Both of these things rest in who God says we are and who He created us to be.

When all is said and our days on earth are done, God's not going to be as concerned with what we were involved in. It's a sure bet, He'll be more interested in how we loved those he gave us. How well we reflect His being to those around us. As well as, and most importantly, our relationship with Him day in and day out.

Without a close walk with God, time in His word, Scripture placed in our heart, and worship as a lifestyle, everything else we give time and attention to is meaningless.

Becoming Bold

Over the last couple years, I have felt as though life just kind of happened to me. Instead of doing what I could to prepare myself, my mind and my heart for what may come, I let life run me over. I'd lost interest in a lot of the things that had once brought a lot of passion and meaning to my life. Writing being one of them.

With the start of the new year, I felt like it was finally time to create a new space to share my heart and life with you all. My goal, as always is to create a safe space for anyone who might find themselves in this space with me. As well as being a writer who strives for authenticity, encouragement and grace. Oh so much grace, to myself and to you.

The last few weeks, as I was looking on to what 2017 may have for me, I felt the pull to step into this new place. It will be a year of rediscovering exactly who I am, what I stand for and how to be the best me I can in every step of life.

In past years I have taken on words in which I hoped would saturate each step I took, only to lose sight of that word very quickly. I have also done the whole resolution stance, only to break those in the first week. So this year, there will be neither of those. My only goal this year is to become more proactive in seeking the One who knows what is down the path

By setting aside time each day to commune with my Creator, I will be better prepared for life's joys, disappointments, and everything in between. Rediscovering what my faith really means to me will better me as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. A year to become a woman who is not only a more understanding person, but one who oozes grace, love and compassion. Three of the most vital aspects for any follower of Christ.

I hope that you will join me for this year. As it will be one of change, growth and fun.

A new, fresh start

Hello there, friends

I wanted to let you know that this will be my last post on this sight. I have spent quite a bit of time over the last few months contemplating a change. I've been feeling like it's time for something new. If you still wish to follow my writings, I will be found at boldlyamy.blogspot.com from here on out. Thanks to all of you who have made this place feel like home, and I can only hope that you'll join me over at my new home.

Lots of love.