My Identity..

This is a subject that comes up here fairly frequently. That's probably because it's a journey that seems to never end for me.

I often find myself asking the question "who am I?"




That's not just any generic question. It's asking: who am I outside of my work? Who am I beside a wife? Who am I apart from mommy? Who am I outside of my friends? It's asking, deep down, in the depths of me who was I created to be?

If I went based off everything that I've been told/known from my past some of them would include:
-a girl abused mentally and physically by a stepfather.
-a girl who could have made camouflaging a professional sport. That meaning I knew what each person that I was/should be and I became really good at playing each part.
-a daughter of a forever recovering alcoholic. That alcoholism lead to a consequence that still effects him, and us today.
-an awkwardly shy girl.
-the outcast
-the forgotten one
-the loner---or at least I appear to be.

These were the identities I claimed. The identities that I wore mostly out of obligation. Others were placed upon me, unwillingly. Few proudly.

I have news friends! These titles don't have to define me. That list is not who I am.

That list is who Satan wants me to believe that I am. Sadly, I still into those traps. More often than I like to admit most times.

With each day, there's a new chance, a new challenge. Today, am I going to walk in the shadows of the yesterday's that haunt me? Or am I going to bask in the Son who has claimed me as His? Because really, that all relies on me, no one and nothing else.

Because of Him:
-I am now accepted
-I am seen
-I overcome daily
-I am learning to be me.

I am still on this journey. I still see nothing but a blank page when someone randomly asks me who I am, but I am not compelled to be or do anything that I don't feel is right or that I'm not called to do.

In that, I find the sweetest freedom one could ask for.

A win? Or no?

Today, 1.28.14, Indiana passed a bill to ban gay marriage throughout the state. For many, it's a huge win for those in the fight to keep marriage pure. For others, it brings about sadness, astonishment, and even anger.

Talking it over with a few people tonight, these thoughts keep turning in my head.

As a Christian we are taught to view marriage as being between one man AND one woman. It is said at least five times in the bible. At least in the New American Standard search.

That is what I believe. I believe this because I believe that Scripture is God breathed, and the truth. I have made this choice to believe this to be true.

Do I agree with the life style that that a homosexual chooses to partake in? No, I don't.

Do I feel that it's my place to tell them if they can or cannot spend the rest of their life with the person they believe to be their soulmate? No, I don't.

Do I believe that the biggest reason people have a hard time with this concept is because the word marriage is used? Yes, I do.

So, you may be asking, where do I stand then:

I believe in being love to the world. The saved and the unsaved. Unconditional, non-judgmental, sacrificial love. The very same love Jesus showed.

We don't often shun others who have chosen a lifestyle contrary to our beliefs quite the way we shun the homosexuals.

For me, this means looking beyond the lifestyle choices that go against my beliefs. It means being that Christ follower-maybe the only one- that sees them as an individual and not as the enemy.

For me, this means serving them. The same way I serve my loved ones. Or maybe serving them more/better. Christ came and set the ultimate example of this. He didn't focus on saving the already saved. No, His life's work was (besides to save the entire world) was to give us a tangible example of how to be love to the world.

Much of this boils down to us willingly setting aside our predetermined opinions and becoming the least of these to those that need it most. In this case, I believe that the least of these includes homosexual couples.

It is not our job to judge, ostracize, or exclude anyone, for any reason. It is our job to love them.


*Disclaimer: this is not to start a debate on right or wrong. This is just one persons thoughts that were ignited by an event in today's society. Please keep any and all discussion respectful.

Marvelous counting (42-80)

A couple weeks ago, I began sharing a journey with you. I started to count gifts. Not just the big gifts, but the seemingly insignificant, everyday gifts. The goal is 3 per day. Let's continue, shall we?

42. TV shows that we both like
43. Sister who's willing to buy some diapers.
44. Previous experience with stranger/separation anxiety
45. Clients that never disappoint when it comes to putting a smile on my face.
46. Cuddles between nap time and cuddle time.
47. Ability to show/feel love
48. Gift cards
49. OBS--made to crave study starting to take shape.



50. His promises being kept, long before I felt the need.
51. A relaxed pace at work
52. Bargain hunting with Angela at target
53. Nap time OYB catch up
54. Sister time--a way to help me wind down after upsetting news.
55. Andrew's excitement over new toys
56. Friends who are willing to love on, pray for and challenge me trough the different phases of life.
57. Church sparking different ways to think/live
58. A child who's growing and learning on pace or quicker than others his age.
59. Time spent with the hubby.
60. Unexpected work
61. Miracle estimate from the insurance.
62. Clients who talk/joke with me and help make the work day pass quickly.
63. Time with my adorable nephew



64. Picking up the check for his car
65. An honest husband--even when the truth is hard to hear and harder to say.
66. Laughing with my clients
67. Watching jake so Kev and his mom could go say good bye to an old friend
68. Warm covers
69. Blog hop Thursdays.
70. OT for Kevin to use as a way to leave early/recoup from an already long week.
71. Grocery shopping after work.
72. Ability to survive on one car.
73. Meeting with a friend just to talk and soak in each other's company.


(no the toddler didn't have coffee...he was just intrigued with the cup)
74. Seeing Rick before he left to live down south again.
75. Sleeping in (well, compared to normal)
76. A day of reading
77. Me time-after Andrew went to bed.
78. Over time to help cover us.
79. Courage to be completely honest.
80. Noticeable improvement.

Have you started a list? I'd love to shar in your joys with you!!

Permissible but not beneficial

This simple verse. A verse I've heard hundreds of times before. It impacted me more than I was expecting this time around.

Maybe it's the state of disarray my life seems to be in. It could very well be the incredible group of women I have been given the privilege to walk through made to crave with. Or perhaps it's something bigger, because we know our God loves to do new things.

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. "Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NASB)

That however was not the verse that hit me so profoundly this time around. No, the verse capable of doing that --this time was this:




My wheels started turning pretty quickly upon reading this verse. Between that and the question " what do you crave more than you crave God?" *insert wince*

While I've thought about this before, it's never been in this sort of study setting. If I was honest, I crave a lot more than I seem to crave God. Not all of it food. While this study is focusing on food, I recognized that my craving falls more toward my relationships. When my relationships he rocky, then I turn to food to help ease that. And I know where the root of that comes from.

This is a season of many relationships shifting. Throughout this season, I need to look to God and that relationship to sustain me. Nothing else. Not people. Not objects. Not food.

3 weeks in...

...and 2014 has not been very good to us so far.

I think when I said "2014 can #BiteMe" it was taken as a challenge. See, that was on the 7th. By then we had learned that my hours a a job I had recently started were drastically cut as of the first of the year. Then I get a call from my lovely husband informing me he had been rear ended on his way home.

The good news--he was okay. No aches or pains to date. The bad news--his car was not.


I still cringe when I see this.


The best news, as my lovely sister put it, cars are replaceable, he is not.

God did what he does best, and gave us a miracle in the amount insurance valued his car. We expected a fight to get a decent amount. They called and all we could say was God is good.

Indeed He is.

Then on the 21st (exactly 2 weeks later) the day we're to pick up the check, I get rear ended that morning with our son in the car. This time, the car isn't damaged too badly, likely just needs a new bumper.




Unfortunately, it irritated my back and neck again. Just to the point of annoyance, not an aching, stabbing pain. Andrew seems unscathed.

Then later that day more bad news. While details we're preferring to keep under hat right now, we would appreciate many prayers for guidance and big huge billboard signs. Even the preverbal 2X4, if that's what it takes.

Even with all this I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this year will be magnificent. After all, we believe in a God who is known for His ability to take the beat down, worn out, broken and make it into something built up, filled in, whole.

So I have to choose to believe that all of these things going on shows us two things:
1. That we are right where God wants us to be. (why would satan be fighting so hard to knock us down if we weren't?)
2. That God has something big in store for us. Something so big that we cannot see what is coming our way.

So I think more than just learning to see it in the things around me, I am going to have to intentionally choose to make this year



Weigh in Wednesday:
Last week: I was at 165.
This week I weighed in at 163.6.
Total lost in 2014 to date is 1.4lbs.

Encouragement: A FMF post

Well hello there good friend. It's time again for Five Minute Friday. A time where we all meet up over at Lisa Jo's  place and share a peice of ourselves based off of a simple prompt that we're given. Won't you join us? It's such a fun little gathering.

To be encouraged to me is to be uplifted. To be thought of. To be accepted.

Enouragement takes on a different look to different people. Just as the way we feel and show love different, the same goes for encouragement.

Encouragement is vital when it comes to a healthy relationship. Encouragement, perhaps the core of a relationship.

Perhaps the greatest encouragement one can give to another person is the simple act of believing in them and their talents.

You are invited

Monday marks the start of a remarkable study. One in which we learn to shift our cravings. One which we will learn to seek our Creator over our that which our flesh desires.



Made to crave came out if the authors journey through the Bible. Not jus any 'ole journey. She purposely dug into the Bible searching. Searching for what words He had for her concerning how to view food.

This journey lead to an unbelievable understanding within herself. She learned where roots were planted. She learned the reasons behind why food was so tantalizing when certain situations arose. Most of all, she discovered that food was created to sustain our body, not to control it.

This is the journey that so many of us are venturing into next week.

Won't you join us?

Weigh in Wednesdays

It's time that I get back on track with my journey to health. While I believe all around health is more than just weight, it's time to start paying attention to that as well.

By November I was down around 162. When I weighed in this morning, I was up to 165. So a minor setback. I'm ready to get at it again.

In fact, Monday I am starting a book study of Made To Crave with a group of over 33,000 women! I'm so excited.

Beyond that, I am going to work on eating better. With tight finances, going extremely strict isn't an option right now, so I am going to start using myfitnesspal again. My screen name is godsbeloved110 if you're on there too. I am going to start tracking my water intake as well.





How are you working to become healthier?

Magnificent Mondays (1-41)

I have challenged myself to restart my gifts list. In 2014 I'm shooting to record at least 3 gifts a day. To help with this, most Mondays I will be sharing my lists with you lovely friends.

1~the way my son's face lights up when our eyes meet.
2~being able to watch Andrew walk his first gap (more than 1-2 steps)
3~my husband's job--it provides for us and he enjoys it
4~partial snow days
5~working heat on blustery cold/snowy days
6~movies to entertain
7~healthy check ups
8~time with friends/family
9~daddy/son bonding



10~a husband who works an 11 hour shift and goes grocery shopping with me, then still does the dishes
11~inspiration to write 4 days straight on here
12~a full day with my boys
13~mom's laundry room
14~hubby's sweaters--they always seem so much warmer than my own
15~snowy Sunday mornings
16~a company who cares enough to close during bad weather
17~being able to have dinner done, coffee made, and a movie in to enjoy together when he was home after a hard day's work
18~snowy day--relaxing enough to crochet



19~family breakfasts
20~afternoon naps
21~Kevin's okay-even if his car isn't-after a weather related accident
22~working heat and power
23~the mess--proving life is lived in this place
24~a warm shower
25~not burning bridges at the employer I left
26~friends that challenge and motivate me every day
27~friends that spoil me-just because they can
28~giggles that brighten my day
29~running water in the apartment again
30~early morning time with little guy before work
31~separation anxiety
32~finishing a book with a friend
33~insurance covering a rental car
34~family time at the mall
35~birthday dinner
36~my phone--a way to keep up with the ones I love
37~our church family
38~a warm bed to sleep in
39~catching up with friends
40~a well mannered toddler on a busy morning
41~simple meals that are tasty and filling

How about you friends? Are you counting your gifts?

When Seasons Change

Last night, marked the unofficial end of a season.

For the last 2 years I have been meeting most weeks with a fellow believer. I would use the term mentor, but it's so much more than that. We have been through life changing highs and just as drastic lows. Some huge victories and some upsetting failures. We have laughed, we've cried, we've joked, we've prayed, we've had deep heart to heart discussions, as well as "blow off days."

We ventured in, wading slowly at first. Feeling each other out. Gaining roots with every sip of coffee/pop.

We made it through 4 books. We've had countless "mental health" meetings. We have had a lot of fun.

I have grown so much in the past couple years and I know much of it wouldn't have happened without her next to me.

Now the winds are shifting. She's being called to serve her family states away. The impact on my life won't be forgotten. All I can say is thank God for the technology to instantly connect...even from a distance.

So to you, Angela, I say thank you. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your encouragement and your challenges. Thank you for your love and your support. I can't wait to see an hear what God's gonna do for you. For your family.

Keep Making Me

There's this song. Every time I hear it, I tear up. It's about a daily struggle that most of us encounter every day. Surrendering our lives to Him. To following hard after him every single day.

In a world that wants to hide everything having to do with God, Christianity, and boldly living out our faith, I find it refreshing to hear of groups that still write songs that cut to the core of human nature. Sidewalk Prophets does it over and over. When many bands are looking for the right sound, or the right phrases, or the right look, they are looking for more. Not just the right message, but the real message.

Click here to listen to Keep Making Me by Sidewalk Prophets.

25!

In honor of turning 25, I thought I'd share 25 facts about myself.

1. Do you have a middle name?
Yes, Marie.

2. What was your favorite subject in school?
Math (I'm weird and I know it)

3. What's your favorite drink?
Lately, it's been coffee. (I can't believe that phrase has come out of my mouth...err fingers)

4. What's your favorite song at the moment?
Keep Making Me by Sidewalk prophets.

5. What would you name your children?
I have no idea what I'd name my next child. I thought I was sold on a girls name, but not too much anymore.

6. Do you participate in any sports?
No. I'm not very coordinated.

7. What's your favorite book?
A tie: both by Francine Rivers, The Scarlet Thread and The Atonement Child.

8. What's your favorite color?
Fall colors.

9. What's your favorite animal?
I've always been fascinated by koalas.

10. What's your favorite perfume?
Whatever body wash I happen to be using. Ha

11. What's your favorite holiday?
I don't think I really have one at this point...

12. Have you graduated from High School?
Yes I did.

13. Have you been out of the country?
Nope. Barely been out of the state.

14. Do you speak any other languages?
I know some Spanish, although it's been years since I've used any of it.

15. Do you have any siblings?
3 sisters, 1 brother. I'm the fourth of 5.

16. What's your favorite store?
Goodwill!

17. What's your favorite restaurant?
Cheddars.

18. Do you like school?
It depended on the day and the subject.

19. Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?
None really. I don't watch too much on YouTube.


20. What's your favorite movie?
Toy Story

21. What are some of your favorite TV shows?
HIMYM, Big Bang Theory, NCIS, Boy Meets World, Full House, Rules of Engagement...

22. PC or Mac?
I find PCs more user friendly myself.

23. What phone do you have?
iPhone

24. How tall are you?
5'2"ish

25. Any pets?
Not anymore.

Just because I think we all need a laugh.

Breathless

In this world, there is an enormous amount of sadness, pain and suffering. It's around every corner. We hear about it on all the news stations. It even breaks into our peaceful and happy times. But that can't be all that's in this world, right?

Right we are.

If we stop and look around we'll see more than just beauty. We will see that this world can still take our breath away.


(Note: this picture was from the summer)

How about it? Take a look around. Soak in the beauty. Be awestruck by the intricate design. After all. Admiring the masterpiece is an amazing way to worship.

A taste...

...of the dream




This was the view out of my back door a couple days ago. This is the primary reason I have yet to leave the house since Saturday. This is how the taste became a reality.

Since the beginning of my journey into motherhood, I've had this dream infused into my heart. One that I so badly long for that it's brought pain, tears and a couple fights. Dreams of being at home, all the time, taking care of my son. Being the one to see all his firsts.

Unfortunately, that dream has not become a reality. There have been times in the past year that I have been tempted to throw all caution into the wind and just do it. Then the mail comes.

But since this snowpocalypse, as it's lovingly been called, I have gotten a 7 day mini-vacation. A look into what
this dream would look like. I've seen steps. I've seen 3 ft spaces crossed (twice). I've heard nigh nigh (new phrase) countless times. I've watched as he's played with his Christmas blessings and momma's creations.




Now, because it's been a break from work, and not a permanent shift, I know I haven't gotten the full idea of what it'd be like to be a full time stay at home mommy. Instead of feeling obligated to do chores around the house, I rested!!! I know one friend who's proud of that.

I took this time, began the year out with my one year bible, crocheting, movie days with my boy(s), blogging (finally broke the block, now it won't stop flowing, who am I to complain?)

While this dream is still a good distance off, I fully believe that I will be able to take steps to get there. First, pay off some bills, start saving. Second, cut back at work by a day or two. Third, continue saving. Fourth, cultivate a passion for house keeping (those of you who know me, know I either HATE cleaning or go totally OCD to the point that it takes me days to clean one room). Fifth, continue alternating between saving, paying off bills and cutting back at work.

This may take a year, two or more, but I believe that it will be a reality one day. So long as it's a calling on my life, the Writer of my story will always lead me to the perfect scenario to get us there.

When lyrics aren't reality

Growing up there was this one song. A song I could never get sick of hearing. A song that in my heart I believed was true. Or maybe, I hoped it was true so intensely that it became a belief in my life.

As a child, I didn't have a plethora of friends...and honestly I still don't. The only difference between then and now is that I choose to keep only a small number of friends. Through middle school, I can remember only having 3 friends at any given time, not by choice.

I wanted sooooo badly to be part of the "in" crowd. The issues were: I wore hand-me-downs, not the latest styles. I didn't have the latest hair styles, or the hair to even consider any sort of hair style. I didn't say the right words, or if I used the right words...they were in the wrong order. The list could go on and on.

I often found myself to be on the outside of the crowd. Usually a style behind...or 5. I prided myself in being the teacher's pet. I found identity in being the quiet one, the loner, the ear for others.

Few people knew me for me.

This song was my hope. My comfort. My guarantee that I would indeed have life long friendships. After all, the lyrics are:

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

As I have gotten older, that very line haunts me. For two reasons. First, I typically see faces of former friends (followers of Christ as well) who are no longer in the friend area...and if those lyrics are true, the friendships would still be alive and well. Second, through said friendships, I have learned that sometimes, sometimes God leads one to let go of friendships for many different reasons. Usually unique to the particular relationship.

This topic of friends has been on my mind a lot as of late. The progress that's been made, even in the past year, is astonishing. Walking through, stressing over, and crying about a fading, failing friendship is what I've known. What I've done so often in the past. To the point of annoying my other friends because I became a bit obsessive about it.

But not so much anymore. Recently I've had friendships fade to practically non-existent. The only reason it's bothered me, is because it hasn't bothered me. I've also had others shift. Before, it would have typically been a life altering, stressed filled, analyzing ball of fun for me. Now, I was able to allow it to happen, to believe (really believe) that it is for the best. Best for them and best for myself. I have one very close one that is likely to drastically change by spring instead of feeling frantic, there is peace and excitement. I have had several start or blossom in the past year as well.

So, no longer do I believe that friendships are eternal just because God is in it. However, I do believe their impact is eternal. Now, I choose to follow His path for my friendships. I give them to Him to decide how they need to fit in my life, my circumstance, my journey. Or if they don't need to be at all.

So this I ask you friends, is there a saying you used to cling to, that now you just find silly?

Finding Nemo Parenting

Earlier today, I stumbled upon this article for what I believe to be the second time. There are several points I agree with in the article. What i find most fascinating is learning how other cultures differ from our own.

After reading this, my son and I had "Finding Nemo" playing. Parallels galore in the movie. Who woulda thought that this innocent children's movie would reiterate the concept of cultural differences?

If you've seen it, you'll follow this really well...if not, take some time, relax, watch the movie and join me back here. I can wait.

Are we all here yet? Yes?! Okay! Good.

The movie begins with a tragedy. It leads Marlin to be extremely cautious. Not only in his life, but poses them onto his son's (Nemo) as well. All of the scenes during the beginning of the movie, we see a struggle.

This struggle is common in today's society as well, the child wants more freedom, the parent too scared/fearful of potential tragedies that could be lurking around every corner. This leads to a rebellion by the child, which leads to a tragedy.

The second tragedy sends the parent on the journey of a lifetime. He meets all sorts of other fish. These fish see the ocean in a different perspective than he does. For them, the ocean isn't dark, scary, full of tragedy. Instead, they see options, adventure, and beauty.

On this journey, Marlin is forced to take risks. Risks that petrify him. Risks that, in the end, change his entire perspective.

First he meets Dory. Probably the most beloved of all the characters in the story. She teaches him what true friendship is.




While on this journey with his new friend, he meets a whole group of turtles. They're traveling through the ocean just like he is. At one point one of the kid turtles gets tossed out of the safety of the current. Marlin begins panicking. Crush teaches him to open his eyes and see every potential tragedy as a chance to learn.

Just as Marlin begins to calm, the small turtle finds his way back into the current. The child excited, proud and energized. The father expressing all the same emotions. When Marlin questions him on how Crush knew it was time to let him go, Crush answers with a simple, yet profound statement.





The movie ends with both son and father happy, living life and taking risks together, and Marlin's outlook completely changed.

Now, I believe that boundaries are good things. The only issue I have is when boundaries become for our benefit, and not done out of love for the other person.

What makes a story?

Each of us has a story to tell. Often, it's the intensity, the emotion, the realness of our story that engrossed people. In fact there are many authors out there who make their living off this very fact.

Let me ask you this, the stories that stick with us the most, impact us the hardest and make a lasting change, what makes them so special? Perhaps it's relatable. Maybe it's so bazaar. Then again, maybe it's because there's something bigger at work. Something more mysterious lurking beneath.

Let me share with you a gem that was shared with me:



It's been a few weeks since hearing this phrase. Yet, anytime I take a gander at the notes I took on Christmas Eve, this simple message resonates. So easy to memorize. So hard to act on.

Tell me, what do you feel when you read this sentence? What does it motivate you to do? How can it impact the mundane parts of your life...your story?

Boundaries of love

Reading through the first 6 chapters of Genesis, I start seeing all those huge numbers of years and wonder what on earth did they do with that time. There HAS to be some amazing stories that develop in that amount of time.

Then, I realize that there really is such a thing as too much time. The more time we have, the more opportunity there is for boredom to creep in. Once boredom creeps in, it's only a matter of time before trouble starts. That's exactly what God noticed too because we read:

Then the Lord said, “My Spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal; their days will be a hundred and twenty years.” (Genesis 6:3 NIV)

This wasn't the first boundary, but it was definitely the most limiting of them so far. If we really read into this verse, we see that God placed this boundary for our own good.

How amazing is it to think that the God of the universe would choose to limit our days in order that we may experience life with Him fully, but not long enough for it to go sour? Only love would set limits like that. No matter how painful these limits are to set, love sets them for the other person's good.

We must learn how to say yes when it's important to. However, more importantly, we need to say no. More often, it's the no's in our lives that are crucial, vital, life-changing.

The question we must ask: are there things we need to say no to, that our no's may lead to bigger yes's down the line?

Books of '14

I've never posted much about the books I read or plan to read, but I thought that since reading is such an easy way to make life more magnificent, that I would share a few on my list with you.

I'm on the last chapter of Not a Fan with a good friend. Supposed to be finishing it up this week. If you're looking for a book to challenge your perspective, boy does this one do it.




Yesterday, I started a challenge that I've undertaken before. High hopes for this time around. With the right support I know I can make it through.




One of my closest friends and I have decided to investigate what I looks like to really choose to follow His plans and not our own. In order to do this we thought we'd check out one of Lysa Terkeurst's books.




And lastly, a group of us are challenging our way of craving. We are looking at how to replace those cravings with healthy, Godly ways of satisfaction. Ironically enough, it's another book written by Lysa.




I'm sure there will be more books to come and go in 2014, but these are the 4 I'm definitely looking forward to.

how about you? What books are you going to challenge yourself with? Or read for pleasure?

Well hello there 2014

This year holds a lot for us.

New milestones, traditions and memories to be made. Changes are bound to happen, although no more job changes this year (hopefully), sadness striking is almost inevitable, and joys abound. Also chapters are likely to end.

So much happiness, a great amount of strength from above, and courage enough to take that first step in His direction. So many lessons are sure to lie before us. Some easy and fun to achieve. Others painful and sad. Few quickly ending. Most dragging out, seeming to go on without end.

Growing. Eyes opening. Seeking to have the senses to gain more understanding of who He is. To see Him in the mundane. To hear Him in the silent whispers. To feel Him everywhere that surrounds.

That is how to make things




The start of my #3aday2014 gifts list

1-the way lil man's face lights up when our eyes meet.
2-being able to see Andrew walk his first gap (more than 1 or 2 steps)
3-my husband's job--not only does it provide for us, but he thoroughly enjoys it.

How are you starting your new year ?